Tucsonic Boom

100th Post

2012-02-11T15:52:00.000-08:00

As the title indicates, this is my 100th post on the Tucsonic Boom. Considering that I have lived in both Phoenix and Prescott since I left Tucson, I guess this is not surprising. I've been trying to come up with a new name for the blog, but since it's already here I've just stuck with it.

Kat and Ada are in North Carolina, so I am here at home on dog duty. It's pretty calm, but I do miss Ada's brand of chaos. Even though she is not here, I present this photo series that explains a lot about us.

We are pretty similar and enjoy many of the same things. Our favorite pastime is watching NBA highlights, as we are doing here.

We both regularly have awkward moments. Also, we are often too intense. This leads to ridiculous facial expressions.

But ultimately, we do like to be together. Ada will even listen to me tell her about my job ...

... for about five minutes, after which she is almost fatally bored and it is time to hang out with Kat. Or sleep. Or crawl around and make sounds.

Ada has become a very good sleeper and likes to do it quite regularly. We actually got rid of her swing (the Ada Swings cam name doesn't really make sense anymore), but we gave it to some person with an infant on the way. Although Ada had many great hours in the swing, it was not sad to see it go. Apparently, I don't have the Rinne gene (I guess it's recessive) that prohibits giving away items related to children or youth. I'll remember the swing, but it's better off with someone who will use it. Ada has grown so big that she would destroy it if she kept using it, so it was time to move on.

Not much else to report. I recently finished reading The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach. It's an excellent novel and highly recommended for anyone, whether you like baseball or not. I have started 11/22/63, the latest Stephen King book, which is supposed to be quite good.

Ada's not yet reading books (although she eats them regularly!), however, she definitely is interested in popular culture. In this final photo of cuteness, she is already showing her interest by going through our DVD and CD bins and laughing at our terrible sense of taste.

Ugh! Is that a Bright Eyes CD? Are we children? I mean, I am, but what's your excuse?

Almost Crawling/Still Cute

2012-01-21T08:02:00.001-08:00

Ada and I are hanging out together this morning while Kat is at yoga. I get a chance to see what Ada is like when I'm not around. The answer is quite similar to what she's like when I am around. She is very good at playing quietly with her toys and she does not get into too much mischief. She is an excellent sleeper and a pretty adventurous eater.

I realize how boring that prior paragraph was but some people actually think such information is interesting. I will never understand some people.

What is interesting is that Ada is becoming a little bit more person-like. She has not crawled yet because all she wants to do is walk. You have to crawl before you can walk, but I think for her it may be "You can just roll around for a long time until you can walk." I was wondering if she is not crawling because the only two people she gets to hang out with (a real sad state of affairs for her!) never crawl and always walk. I have been trying to demonstrate crawling as an example, but it's not fun and hurts my knees. Ada may have the same opinion, and thus I fully understand her aversion to crawling.

There is not much news other than Ada news, so I don't have much to report. I don't have any funny cases I've run across, but I did like the name of this case: In re TMI Litigation, 199 F.3d 158 (3d Cir. 1999). Although I am still new to being attorney, I've come to quickly realize that all litigation is TMI litigation.

Kat bought a new desk, which we are going to attempt to assemble today. It's not from IKEA, but I think it has even more parts than furniture from IKEA. I will be cursing an Allen Wrench at some point today, that much is clear.

I've been enjoying the photos of Chlomaline. (Although remember, it's important to talk to your doctor before beginning Chlomaline!)

Ada is now hitting my chair, so I guess this means that this particular post is over. Sorry for the Christmas letter quality of this post. My topics for discussion are limited by ethics rules, ennui, and extremely boring information. I do the best I can.

What I'm Reading: The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides
What I'm Watching: Downton Abbey Season Two and NFL Football -- two great tastes that taste great together
What I'm Listening To: The Decemberists "The King is Dead"

Cuteness Level: Elevated

2011-12-11T12:48:00.000-08:00

As this is Ada's first Christmas, Kat is working hard to ensure that it is a memorable one. For us, I guess, because I doubt Ada is going to remember it. Anyway, we took her to see Santa at the Prescott Gateway Mall and the results were pretty good. She was an excellent baby throughout.

We also bought a Christmas tree (a 5-foot Noble fir -- which means it is a tree that is highly unlikely to react with other trees (chemistry joke!)) and decorated it nicely. I broke only one of Kat's ornaments to which she is sentimentally attached, and now we have a nice tree next to our nice currently inoperable fireplace.

This is Ada struggling with ornament/food confusion.

Anyway, Christmas has arrived, and the cold, snowy weather helps to make it feel like Christmas. Today, Ada and I went shopping for some Christmas presents while Kat went to a movie. We did pretty well with the shopping, and Ada, as usual, was an excellent companion.

Merry Christmas to all!

Ada Enters Her Rebellious Phase

2011-11-05T07:33:00.001-07:00

That's the Last Time I Listen to Ken Jennings

2011-10-22T13:14:00.000-07:00

I recently finished reading Maphead by Ken Jennings, which is an excellent book if you are a nerd for maps. I'm sort of a map nerd (I passed many hours on long car rides looking at the Rand McNally atlas, which Ken Jennings said he also did as a kid - however, I think our similarities end there), but I'm not truly a map nerd.

But in the book, Jennings has a chapter about how he briefly got addicted to geocaching, so I thought I should give it a try. Well, that try was this morning, and I was terrible. I logged a total of zero geocaches, although I was close to about 10 different ones. I liked following the coordinates and hiking to different spots, but I'm helpless at finding things. Kat regularly calls me "the worst looker ever," and I probably should have known geocaching was not for me when I couldn't find the GPS in Kat's car (which is not large) prior to going geocaching. In the end, I'm going to stick with hiking but leave out the part where I try to find a film canister in a tree. I think it works just as well.

Ada did look cute in her geocaching outfit, but that was about the only good thing about it.

Now it's time for a new segment on the blog called: Funny Things in Old Arizona Case Law. Before you skip down to the rest (trust me, there isn't going to be anything better, I'm afraid) you should give this a chance. I've got two really funny cases I've run across as a result of my day job, and I think you'll enjoy them.***

The first is Fought v. Fought, 94 Ariz. 187, 382 P.2d 667 (1963). This is an Arizona Supreme Court case, and the names alone are funny, and it's funny that the Foughts got divorced. But the best part is the first sentence where it explains that the wife received a default divorce because while Mrs. Fought fought, Mr. Fought didn't fight. Mr. Fought's failure to fight forced default, and Mrs. Fought got a lot.

The second is better than the first (how could it not be?) and involves a situation where the Arizona Court of Appeals missed an absolutely golden opportunity to put in a funny footnote. The case is State v. Hansen, 117 Ariz. 496, 573 P.2d 896 (App. 1977). In the case, Hansen was sitting next to a man who was smoking a "marijuana cigarette." A police officer came up to the men, arrested them both, and then searched Hansen and found a baggie of marijuana. Hansen moved to suppress the marijuana for lack of probable cause to arrest because the officer never saw him smoking anything. While explaining the law regarding these types of situations, the Court writes: "As is well illustrated in a line of California cases, there must be some indication of 'joint activity,' or 'joint participation." Here is where the footnote should be. You have to acknowledge the humor, but the Court chooses not to. The Court reversed the trial court and held the marijuana had to be suppressed. The final sentence of the opinion -- offered entirely without irony states: "There was not, in this case, any showing of 'joint activity' on the part of appellant." Yes, there was plenty of "joint activity," it just was not by Hansen.

If I ever become a judge who actually writes opinions (and that is extremely unlikely) I would dd funny footnotes as often as possible. I think judges owe it to the people who actually slog through what they write.

***Note: You won't enjoy them and they aren't funny. What is funny to lawyers is so far removed from actual humor that it's not even the same thing. I've long been working on a word for stories and jokes that lawyers think are funny that really aren't, but I haven't been able to come up with it.

Kat and I have been talking a lot about food we used to enjoy that we can't get anymore. The list includes things like Bojangles chicken, the potato oles bravo at Taco John's, Runzas, the food at Mina's Thai, and Century Sundae, a limited Blue Bell ice cream flavor sold to celebrate 100 years of Blue Bell ice cream (the problem is that its centennial was in 2007, I think, and we have not had it since). We call this noshtalgia. It's been pretty strong lately, but I keep hoping to find new foods to look back on fondly.

I've been reading the new Neal Stephenson tome, Reamde, but I took a break to read Maphead and Moonwalking with Einstein, a book about people who are able to remember just about everything. The memory book is great, but I keep forgetting which chapter I'm on.

It's beautiful in Prescott today, which is, of course, why I'm in the house blogging. I'm thinking of hiking Granite Mountain tomorrow. I have not done it before, and it looks like a pretty good workout.

Kat and I have been enjoying a new television show called Up All Night, which is about hip people whose lives are changed by having a baby. Other than being hip, we are right in the demographic. It was, at times, bad in the beginning, but the last few episodes have been pretty funny. It's on Hulu, so you might want to give it a shot.

Ada remains very cute, but she doesn't seem to want to sleep very much. I still like her quite a bit, though.

I've written a decidedly terrible legal annotation to The Cat in the Hat that explains all of the torts committed by the Cat. I started just doing this for fun when I would read to Ada, and she seemed to really enjoy it. However, what might have been a fun novelty while reading to a baby doesn't really hold up at full book length. If anyone is seeking some punishment and would like all of the footnotes I wrote, let me know. You'll have to find your own copy of The Cat in the Hat (it's kind of like a Rifftrax in that respect) but I'll gladly show you what I've got.

Well, that's all I've got. I hope this satiates GpaG.

Leave it all up in the air

2011-09-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

There's cute, and then there's Ada cute!

Today Ada is 75 days old. I have not been counting, but the iPad, which may be moving closer and closer to sentience, informed me of this fact. That means if Ada were to live a full natural life based on current generally accepted actuarial tables, she has one year to live for each day she has been alive. Based on those same actuarial estimates, I would be around for approximately 45 of those 75 years. That's 60 percent. I don't know if I've "been around" for 60 percent of the things she has done in her first 75 days. I've seen a lot in person and a lot on video. I know I won't see everything, but I'm glad to be able to experience as much as I have. I have to enjoy it now before she figures out how lame I am. By the time she's 2 I think she will want nothing to do with me.

Lloyd is back! Truly quite exciting. He was in Iraq, right?

Boom! 1990s on you! Running the option, macking on cupcakes!

More for Lloyd whether he is reading or not: Derogatory nicknames I should have come up with at the end of last season for Nebraska's young QB who seemed to get dropped behind the line of scrimmage with some regularity: T-Minus 10 or T-Sacks. (that last one is also for Keith and Shaleah!).

Speaking of "young" college football players, I say it every year but I'll say it once again to ole' Brent Musburger: it's redundant to call a college football player young. They are all young. Thanks, pardner.

Brent is so ubiquitous that even when I watch a game on mute I can "hear" his brand of homespun nonsensicalness in my own brain. I don't know what this says about me, but I am happy about the return of college football because it just means more and better edsbs.com and @edsbs on twitter. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

I invented awesomeness!

Unknown danger of watching the US Open on television: your wife will point out how little you have accomplished in your life. The match: Federer vs. Cilic. The question: how old is Federer? My misguided answer: we're about the same age. Her response: you two have had vastly different lives. The subtext that hit like a sledgehammer: are you ever planning to achieve anything? I tried to comfort myself by focusing on the fact that Federer's greatest successes are already behind him while mine are still to come but it just ended with gentle sobbing. I watched Federer win the match easily. Followed by more gentle sobbing.

I'm excited for Lloyd and Katie's wedding! Truly quite exciting. The wedding is in New Mexico, right?

Recently learned how to ride a two-wheeler!

Prescott is a wonderful place. It's my nirvana because it has nice weather and fun things to do that are close by and inexpensive. For a cheapskate like me the opportunity to hike and bike in the woods for little or no money is great. However I'm not the best bicyclist around. This looks worse than it was.

Ada has made things quite a bit different but in a good way. We've undergone some pretty big changes recently but we were going to have big changes whether she was around or not. Moving, starting a new job, taking care of an infant, hosting relatives, and living in a new place was a lot all at once, but we came through it pretty well. It's one way to avoid boredom. I'm sure we are going to do some of those things again in the future, but I have no intention of ever doing more than one at a time ever again.

I like our house. It has more decks than the USS Nimitz. (not actually true)

Keith and Ada on one of aforementioned decks!

For the first 70 days of her life, Ada went to sleep to a Beatles lullaby CD. You wouldn't think anyone could tire of the Fab Four, but if I hear Octopus's Garden one more time I think I might snap. (Quick digression: why are an Octopus's arms called tentacles? Doesn't eightacles make a little more sense?) We've moved on to Mazzy Star (whatever that is) for lullaby music, so I have received a temporary reprieve. I will note that Ada does not seem to have any reaction when we play "her song." (Or when we play Your Song because we've tried both). I hope she can soon identify and dislike the song she was named after, so she can come up with some alternate explanation for her name that she prefers.

I'm excited Lloyd got back in time for the Husker football season! Truly quite exciting. Nebraska is in the Mountain West now, right?

I'm not sure that joke is even working, but it's not for a lack of commitment! It's in there now, so it stays.

Now that I've written enough that I'm sure no one is still reading, I want to get serious with you. Ada is an awesome baby. She's cool. She has opinions. She likes all the same stuff I like. (Or I do the stuff I like near her and she puts up with it with only moderate crying) I can't recommend her highly enough. It's no great achievement to be a parent. And your progeny's successes probably have less to do with you than you think. The same goes for failures. There's plenty of randomness at work. So I don't take pride in Ada and I don't plan to, but I do get plenty of joy. I'm just happy I get to hang out with her (and the law says I can hang out with her until she is 18 and there is little she can do about it!).

A Special Message

2011-05-30T15:37:00.000-07:00

We have reached "any day now" status, so Kat and I took the opportunity to enjoy our day off. We filed this report:

Nick Carraway Day

2011-04-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

"No . . . I just remembered that to-day's my birthday."

I was thirty. Before me stretched the portentous, menacing road of a new decade.

-The Great Gatsby

An Inventory of Failed Attempts to Become a Man of Letters

2011-02-23T20:56:00.000-08:00

Attempt #1: Adventure Story – Third Grade

The main character was named Thelonius after Thelonius Monk. Most other details have been lost, although an actual copy is probably located in a garage in Friend, Nebraska. I seem to recall Thelonius climbing over a wall and finding the sought-after object just sitting there unprotected. I guess one could charitably say I was aiming to turn the well-worn concept of the long quest against impossible odds on its head, but I lean toward the explanation that I was not creative. Ultimately, it just was not very good.

Attempt #2: The Little Rascals – a German playlet – Ninth Grade

Though it did allow me to play my dream role of Alfalfa – complete with natural cowlick – this stage production was not ready for off-off-off Broadway. Nabokov could write beautifully in multiple languages, but my feeble attempts to turn terrible English wordplay into German succeeded about as well as you would imagine. At least I learned to stick to the native tongue. Ultimately, it just was not very good.

Attempt #3: Dirt Track Racing Novel – Title Unknown – age 20

This was written during my days reporting on dirt track racing and was the first of many subsequent attempts to follow the maxim to “write what you know.” This particular story was rather “themey.” It focused on issues of race and class, two words that are racing terms that just happen to also have double meanings! If you don’t think I ran that particular conceit into the ground then you really don’t know much about me. The central conflict of this story centered around a plan to build a dirt racetrack – a place of joy for the common folk! – that was being held up by a zoning dispute orchestrated by the idle and evil rich who run government and like refined things that don’t involve cars going around endlessly in a circle. Budding writers remember this: a zoning dispute is always a great concept for a story. I’m pretty sure Macbeth was about a zoning dispute.

I wrote this story out in longhand, which was a terrible idea because it was quite long. I wrote it out on reporter’s notebooks, and by the end there were so many that I had to hold it together with a rubber band. I enjoyed writing it, and I have no idea where it is now. Ultimately, it just was not very good.

Attempt #4: One-Act Play About Technology, Humanity, and a Struggling Economy – age 21

This was written during my “I’m pretending I’m an anti-materialist because I secretly want a better car and CD collection” phase. The absolute worst thing about this particular play was that I wrote it for a class in college, so I actually showed it to other people and thought it was good. It did have a lot of bad language because I’m an adult now and I can say what I want! It did not work out quite as I had hoped. Ultimately, it just was not very good.

Attempt #5: True Crime Story – “Six on La Mesa” – age 25

Continuing my “write what you know” concept – which is really a thin disguise for my complete lack of creativity – I wrote this true crime nonfiction story about a sextuple homicide that I covered while I was a newspaper reporter. Unlike my actual news stories, which I knew were not good, I thought I could fill in the blanks with my own theories and create an arresting narrative. The story suffered from a lack of information, but I don’t think the police knew a whole lot more than I did. I believe the murders remain unsolved.

I still have the computer, I believe, that contains the explosive first draft of “Six on La Mesa,” but I don’t know if I can actually get the computer to turn on. And that might be for the best. Ultimately, it just was not very good.

Attempt #6: Law School Novel I Never Even Bothered to Write

I did not write this, but it was not for a lack of thinking about doing it. Once again, I was going to write what I knew and become the next Scott Turow, but I tried to focus on studying instead. I often wanted to write a spec screenplay of Legally Blonde 3, but LB1 and LB2 were so good, that I just knew I could not follow that! And, of course, I knew that ultimately it would not be very good.

Attempt #7: Essay About Past Failures

The idea was to collect all of my terrible past writing attempts in one essay and use humor to write something that a reader might actually enjoy. My hope was that such an essay could be both funny and wistful and lead the reader to think: I might like to read some of those things he wrote. My hope was that this would then lead the essay to get published, and then I would finally and truly become a man of letters. But alas, well, ultimately this essay is not very good.

Real Books That I Wish My Writing Could Be Like and Ultimately Are Very Good:

Dirt Track Racing (and somewhat similar sports that have rabid fanbases): Sunday Money by Jeff MacGregor; Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer by Warren St. John; To Hate Like This Is to Be Happy Forever by Will Blythe

Technology, Humanity, and a Struggling Economy: Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

True Crime: My Dark Places by James Ellroy; The Corpse Had a Familiar Face by Edna Buchanan

Essay About Past Failures: Zombie Spaceship Wasteland by Patton Oswalt; How Did You Get This Number by Sloane Crosley

Try Not to Hurt Anybody I Like*

2011-01-22T16:09:00.000-08:00

An enormous box of infant clothes found its way to 4242 this week. It has dozens and dozens and dozens of little outfits and they are all adorable and pretty and precious. Baby clothes can really only be one adjective: the four-letter c-word, but I try to keep it out of my writing for obvious reasons.

It’s pretty cliché to say that looking at those clothes, which all are for boys but great nonetheless, made this whole baby thing “real,” but that was sort of how it felt. [1] Obviously, it is both exciting and scary to contemplate caring for this little life yadda yadda yadda [2], but what interests me most -- other than what (spoiler alert Terrence!) this little girl is going to be like -- is whether I will really change all that much. I have been the same person for almost 30 years, and while I have literally grown quite a bit, I don’t see myself as all that different from a younger version of me. I think the same things are funny, I spend way too much time thinking about sports, and I like reading books. I fully expect this kid will change me greatly; that is undeniable. But I am interested to find out in what way. I am more interested in meeting the little person, but, in a nod to the self-interest we all have but conceal with varying degrees of success, I want to know what it will mean for me! [3]

People I know with offspring warn me about how many Disney movies I will watch and how conversant I will become regarding the minutiae of princesses, but I have a hard time envisioning that. However, I remember being younger and having a hard time envisioning having two dogs and an iPhone (obviously, this is not too surprising considering dogs hadn’t been invented yet!). But what I really mean is this: can I hijack this child’s life to teach it to like only things I like? And, if yes, is that a good idea? The likely answers are no and no, and that is probably for the best.

Today, Kat and I were discussing whether you could keep a little girl from liking pink. She said it was not possible, and I agreed. Unless you resort to offensive scare tactics or manufacture childhood trauma [4], I think there is nothing you can do. But I guess what makes it exciting is that you get to watch as a little person becomes who she is. That seems wonderful to me, but I also know she has to overcome her DNA. However, I think she can do it.

In addition to this pile of baby clothes, Kat bought a car seat, which I guess means the kid will be quickly shepherded into our brave new world of frightening motility and devastation of natural resources in the name of “being somewhere.” [5] It just means the kid can ride in the car -- apparently, as a baby this was the only way to make Kat fall asleep, so hours of driving around aimlessly may be in our future -- and be safe while doing it. Kat’s mom also sent a very nice dress for the kid. It seems so small, but I guess she will be able to wear it for up to a week. That will be a very pretty week.

I don’t know anything about childen. I don’t know anything about girls. I don’t know anything about girl children. But I’m very excited to be a part of this project! [6] I hope to catalog how it goes. In thinking about what is to come, I lean on the mantra from The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit:

It doesn’t really matter.
Here goes nothing.
It will be interesting to see what happens.

While I don’t know if I always agree with the first part (rather than child-raising, the titular character would say his mantra before jumping out of a plane as a paratrooper in WWII), I definitely agree with the last two. I do have a good attitude toward the baby, and it definitely will be interesting to see what happens!

* As a bit of an occupational hazard, I now cannot operate without footnotes. Blogger does not really support them, so I made my own. Yay footnotes!

[1] I think personal blogs exist solely for the creation of clichéd writing. After all, things only become cliché because they are universal. S o, the moral is: just because something is cliché doesn’t mean it cannot have meaning or be resonant. Anyway, back to the clichéd stuff.

[2] This is just too cliché to even discuss. In its place, I give you this great Paul F. Tompkins joke about people who say that they know the first time they hold their child that they will do anything for her:

“Let’s say you know 100% beyond the shadow of a doubt that you’d take a bullet for your child. Let me ask you this: why are so many people trying to assassinate your baby?

[3] My mother will probably use this as further proof of my -- and this is a direct quote -- “bad attitude towards this baby.” I think I have a more realistic attitude than some others, but per usual, we agree to disagree.

[4] “That’s why you always leave a note!”

[5] This sentence actually was stolen from Noam Chomsky’s blog about his grandkids: “NoamPa.”

[6] Similar to Dr. Peter Venkman.

Nerd Helmets Engage!

2010-11-07T15:39:00.001-08:00

(That is normally the type of expression Kat has on her face any time that I am involved in what we are doing. It perfectly encapsulates what it is like to live with me on a daily basis)

Kat and I returned to our former bicycling ways today with our first ride with our new bicycles. It was a lot of fun, and I’m glad that I only dragged my feet for a few months before getting my bicycle.

We went about eight miles along the Grand Canal from our house to Tempe for a round trip ride of sixteen miles. We wanted to go all the way to Papago Park, but we didn’t quite make it. But it was a lot of fun.

Here was the route.

Not a whole lot else is going on. But I do have a bicycle and a helmet and a light and a bike lock, so I hope to do some more bicycling. It also means that we are actually using the garage for something because it is where we keep our bicycles.

We already have a route planned for next weekend. If it does not deliver more interesting tidbits than this week, I probably won't blog about it.

I Do Declare

2010-10-07T21:24:00.000-07:00

My extensive readership is calling for me to regale them with the news of my life. And when they want blog, I give them blog.

Impressive hailstorm on Tuesday here in the Greater Phoenix Metropolitan Area. Since it was finally cool enough to go outside, I was enjoying my luncheon on the veranda when I do declare, such a conflagration of breeze and rain presented itself without the briefest warning so that I was forced to scurry back inside the protection of structure while clutching my picnic basket tight to my bosom. (It’s a somewhat oxymoronic unwritten writing rule that any mention of a veranda requires the author to write the entire sentence as though he or she were a Southern belle in the 19th Century. If patio is used, the writing can continue normally, however, any mention of the v-word requires gentility and an immediate case of the vapors)

So anyway, I had to run inside before I was finished with my lunch. That particular squall, however, was not the one that really did the damage here. Later that afternoon it turned quite black and the hail was impressive. There are few more discordant sights than a cactus covered with hailstones, and I saw this sight many times!

The commute home was quite long but uneventful. While Midwesterners tend to drive too fast in poor weather – I can recall many times I have driven or ridden through borderline apocalyptic blizzards only to be passed at an alarmingly high rate of speed by a Chevy Tahoe with Colorado license plates. These neighbors to the west (now northeast!) always appeared to believe it sensible to drive as though on the Autobahn on a clear summer day because “I’ve lived my whole life in the snow, brah!” – the people of Phoenix seem to drive far too slow for far too long after the danger has passed. Admittedly, Phoenix streets do not drain too well since this is a desert, but I do not know that some water on the street requires quite the concern that was raised. Nevertheless, as a law school graduate and noted pansy, I appreciate the abundance of caution in place of recklessness.

There was no damage at our house, although rain storms always mean muddy dog feet and a dirty house. There were a lot of tree limbs, signs, and power lines knocked down, but they were not near us. Basically, what I used to sleep through in the summer in Nebraska is a cause of great consternation here. Ah well, the only constant is change.

In other news, I am traveling on a secret mission to our nation’s capitol later this month. Details are sketchy and current operations are need to know.

In other “secret meeting” news happening in October – this of much greater interest and importance – one week from today Kat and I are going to see The National at Tempe’s Marquee Theatre. Will it be awesome? Yes. Will it be transformative? Likely not. But the awesomeness is a definite. I promise a full report afterward.

As for sports news, Joe Buck’s involvement in playoff baseball and the fact that I can’t sit still long enough to actually watch an entire game tempers my interest in the October excitement. As for football, well, I am not super excited about either college or pro at the current time, although I keep watching both anyway. Our own Arizona Cardinals are looking much like the Cardinals of the past. Last Sunday, I went to the gym during the Cardinals game because I figured it would be less busy and because I could not watch a better game. As I was ellipticaling – that’s a thing, right? – this dude walked up to glance at the score just as Antonio Gates caught his eleventh touchdown pass (I’m guesstimating) of the game. The dude let out a long sigh born of years as a Cardinals fan. A sigh that said, “Oh, Buzzsaw, is it back to mediocrity then, back to whence you came?” To that dude I say, I’m afraid it is.

Also football-related, the AP poll has Nebraska at number seven and Arizona at number nine. I think that probably guarantees that of all the poodles in this country that have two sports snuggies in their crates (an extensive list, I promise you), no poodle other than our little Lily has Snuggies for two teams so highly rated. If I’m wrong, I will provide a mea culpa, but you must provide photographic evidence!

Nebraska does look pretty good, although some of the teams - most notably those with a large amount of purple in their particular color schemes - may just be terrible. Still, a defense like that and a quarterback like that are good steps toward a successful team.

But all of this sports talk was really so I could get to what I’m excited about: the NBA. I’ve already been watching preseason highlights, which probably says something about the depth of my mental illness. But nevertheless, I think it will be an exciting season. One sad note is perfectly encapsulated here. That is both sadly awesome and all too true. Agent Zero is no more. His depression, scraggly beard and hobo tendencies are making me depressed. In happier Wizards news, John Wall seems pretty awesome and incredibly fast. However, this Wall quote about Arenas confused me:

"You never can judge nobody off something that happened. Everybody makes mistakes. ... He's a great guy to me. I can't control what happened last year."

What do you mean you can’t judge someone by something that happened? I think it is wrong to judge someone by something that did not happen, but I think our system of justice is premised on finding facts so that we can judge people based on things that happened. Regardless, I let it slide because of things like this.

In other NBA news, the Big Shaqrock looks like a giant fridge Oprah would give away for free. In some highlights I saw, Shaq had two plays where he made soft little lay-ins. At 7’1” and 470 pounds, I’m not sure that he can still dunk. But I like seeing him in green because, well, it’s something. And, oh yeah, Delonte!

In sum, I guess, Ball!

(I know this deteriorated quickly. My NBA talk is not particularly coherent, or, I guess, is any of this. Right now, I’m reading Freedom by Jonathan Franzen. It is quite good so far. I am very impressed by how he can include so many seeming unrelated digressions and yet maintain such an excellent flow in the writing. I do not have this ability. That is why he is paid to write things and I blog for free. Well, I guess that’s life in a meritocracy. OK, good night and good luck.)

4242

2010-07-29T10:41:00.000-07:00

That's the new house number here in Phoenix. While in the past I have changed the blog name to correlate to my city of residence, I think I am going to stick with Tucsonic Boom since people have set up bookmarks and such and because I can't think of a good Phoenix name. (I was considering "Valley of the Son of Dad" - you know, sort of a catch-all - but I am going to stay with things as they are.)

So now a virtual tour of the new house:

This is the front. There is a carport on the south side and a lawn. The trees are pretty low, so tall people should be aware. (If you look closely at this picture, you can see me!)

Kat at work. This is her new office where she does her job. It is working out pretty well so far. The four photos on the wall are Eric Krouse originals and are pretty amazing. They must be seen in person to be fully appreciated.

This is my desk in the guest bedroom. It isn't really a bedroom yet, so we need to work on that.

This is the poodle laying on a dog bed next to Kat's desk. She lays here all day while Kat works. This dog bed was purchased for Lucy, but she rejected it. Lucy also rejected another dog bed that we purchased...

...because Lucy prefers that her dog beds come from IKEA and cost hundreds of dollars. This used to be a living room couch, but it is not that anymore.

This is the backyard patio where we put the new grill. We also have a covered patio area by the backdoor, two sheds, and a giant garage for storage. We have three fruit trees in the backyard and plenty of room for the dogs to roam around - although they are always pretty intent on getting back to the house and resuming laying around.

Kat and her mom did basically everything getting the house in order, and it was quite impressive. I really like it here, and I think Kat does too. Just about everything a person could possibly need, and hundreds of things they could not possibly ever need, are available in a one-mile radius. Phoenix never lacks for stuff.

I hope to blog much more regularly now that the bar exam is over. I have a lot of books I want to read, movies to see, albums to listen to, and cable television to watch. I will let you know how that goes.

On Monday I am taking my talents to the Arizona Court of Appeals, and I'll let you know how that goes as well (at least what I can discuss, that is). I'm excited to get started and hope that it is fun. Take care.

Sometimes you eat the bar...

2010-06-26T22:02:00.000-07:00

and sometimes, well, he eats you.

The Stranger
--The Big Lebowski

That quote isn't entirely accurate since Sam Elliott apparently is saying bear, but you can forgive me if I seemed to have misheard him. I seem to think of little else than the bar and whether or not he is going to eat me. But I am trying to just keep working, and I think it is helping. If I still have time to blog, the reader says, then you must not be too worried. Well, I counter that this is merely procrasti-blogging because I don't want to do the essays and questions that I must. But I didn't really want to talk about the bar, so I'll try to steer the discussion somewhere else.

Kat and I have been packing up the house so some interesting things have been found. This was in some old photos. While it is only five years old, in some ways it feels like a long time ago. Looking at this photo makes me a little sad but mostly happy, although some people may have an inverse reaction. But I'm happy that that day happened. I was happy then and I am happy now, although a whole lot has changed.

I think studying for the bar exam makes me contemplative because being contemplative is less work and stress than studying. But I am feeling good. This summer is probably going to be the worst one of my life - at least I hope it is - but when it is over, it will be over. Unless it is not, a possibility which is scarier than Joan Rivers' face.

I have not been blogging because I have not been doing anything of interest other than listening to lectures, making notecards, and surfing the Internet when I was supposed to be studying. I hope everyone else is having a good summer.

One nice thing about the Arizona summer bar exam is that it is too hot to go outside anyway so it is relatively easy to stay inside and study. But it is also easy to stay inside and listen to podcasts, daydream, or just organize a sock drawer. I have done all of these things and more than once.

But looking at this photo reminds me that it is just a test that I am taking. It is just another thing. It is nothing more. It can't change the people in that photo, all of whom I love dearly, and it can't change me, regardless of what happens.

And with that, I return to the depths of the law.

29

2010-04-27T19:56:00.000-07:00

Today, April 28, 2010, is momentous. In fact, it is very momentous. Let me run down for you, the reader, just what today represents. It is my 29^th birthday, it is my 3^rd wedding anniversary, it is my last day of regular law school classes, and it is Kat’s second anniversary as a Wheatmark employee. It is almost as though 24 hours is not enough time to fully reflect on what that all means. That is why I had to actually start this blog post early in preparation for this day. I have a few things to say about each one.

(I know that even the idea of a personal blog is a bit egotistical. But if you came here for cogent analysis on the inherent tensions among the Free Exercise Clause, Establishment Clause and freedom of speech in various public and non-public fora – I can totally do that, btw, just I won’t be doing that in this blog (double parenthetically, If you have questions on those topics, just send me an e-mail with the basic factual scenario and I can help you) – this is not the proper blog post to be reading. We are traveling to Me City, hitch a ride if you like.)

OK, with that out of the way, here we go. It is my 29^th birthday. I don’t have much to say about that except that as the years pass I am finding it easier to put up with myself. I think I will always find myself a little bit annoying, but I am more at peace with who I am than ever before. TMI, you say, well yeah. That was why the second paragraph proviso (hereinafter “SPP”) was included.

The best part about today is the three years with Kat. She seems to get more awesome each day, however, this decreases my awesomeness since our combined awesomeness is a constant. But really Kat is the best thing in my life. She makes everything else so much easier, and I can’t thank her enough. She is the best friend anyone could ask for, and I am thrilled that I get to spend so much time with her. I won’t even add anything snark-astic to this paragraph because it is all true.

Finally getting to the end of law school is great and a little bit scary. I still have my exams for this semester and then the bar exam this summer. But it is amazing that I have come to the end. People sometimes ask me whether it has gone by quickly. They are always quick to point out how fast they think it has gone. I normally agree with them, but I also add in that “I remember every single day.” I was in each one of those classes and exams. It did not necessarily seem fast at the time (although exams do fly by quickly – if time moved at exam pace in real life I would already have lived a full life and now be dead).

To quote the long-dead but still shilling Earl Woods, “Did you learn anything?” I would say yes, I learned a lot. It was not always fun, but it was always a good experience. I enjoyed law school, although that is not a good thing to say around an actual law school. I remember lots of highs and lows, people liked and disliked, professors good and bad, results fair and unfair. But the whole package is the important thing. If nothing else, I will call it an experience. And it is an experience that I am glad I had.

(The attendant debt that came along with this experience is another issue entirely. I’m leaving that out of the equation because sometimes it is best not to think about it. There will be plenty of days in the future for doing that.)

As for Kat’s second anniversary at Wheatmark, that is for one of her many personal blogs. But I will say that it is fantastic that she was able to find such a good company that now has found her to be indispensable. I hope that when I am forced to start temping (which very much may happen) the first place they send me is as good as Wheatmark.

So what does it all mean? I don’t really know. This cosmic confluence of events does not necessarily mean anything. Does it mean something that my high school, college and law school graduations were all on Saturday May 15 (that’s 1999, 2004 and 2010 for anyone with failing memories)? Does it mean something that I got engaged and accepted to law school on the same day (December 4, 2006 – aka “Best Day Ever,” according to Kat and I)? Does it mean something that all of these things are happening today, April 28, 2010? No. It doesn’t mean anything, but it could be at least an interesting factoid when I turn this blog post into my full-length memoir (to be published in 2011 by Wheatmark Books!).

I don’t know if anyone will make it to the end here. But whether you do or not does not matter. It does not matter because, as the SPP explains and I have made abundantly clear throughout, this is about me. Thanks for your attention.

Strip Trip Quick Pics

2010-03-17T19:17:00.000-07:00

Nothing encapsulates my trip to Las Vegas better than this picture. It is perfect in every way. Anyhow, here are a smattering of photos from my sojourn to Sin City. I had a lot of fun. Lloyd provided great hospitality, and Mom was fun, too, when not yawning.

This is where you get on the gondola ride at the Venetian. I did not get on the gondola ride.

This is the Strip looking north from the Wynn. The Space Needle-esque structure is the Stratosphere. I did not go to the Stratosphere.

"What's the deal with people showing you pictures of their vacation?" (I did not go see Jerry Seinfeld. He was not performing at that time)

This is the conservatory at the Bellagio. It is not currently the setting for a Tim Burton film, but it is being considered.

This is the Eiffel Tower at Paris Las Vegas. I did actually go to the top of it. I did not gamble at Paris Las Vegas.

The pyramid structure is the Luxor. I did not go inside the Luxor.

This is a lion at the MGM Grand. I did not get a good picture of it.

This is another lion at the MGM Grand. I did not get a good picture of this one either because of the dolt in the red hat.

This is the Mandalay Bay. I saw The Lion King here. I did not get any photos of Simba or Mufasa or Scar or Timon or Pumbaa or Ed or Banzai or Rafiki or Nala because no photography was allowed during the show. It was excellent, however.

This is the Hoover Dam. It is quite large. I did not get its full majesty into a single photo because my camera is not capable of such feats.

This is the giant bridge being built just south of Hoover Dam. It makes the dam look somewhat less impressive as a result. I do not want to ever drive across this bridge because I will be frightened.

This is Lake Mead. It is enormous. I did not swim in Lake Mead.

I hope you enjoyed the trip in pictures. Viva Las Vegas!

Forgive the lack of blawging

2010-03-08T18:39:00.000-08:00

My inability to blog regularly is based primarily on my lack of original ideas. I have like one or two a month and they often involve things like the best way to get to the airport or how to arrange my law books so they look the most impressive. Needless to say, they are not groundbreaking. And needless to say, they often are not shared on this blog because that would just be sad.

However, my main "original" idea lately has been focused on how with each new station in my life, I re-evaluate the opinions I previously held and find that I was, for lack of a better word, stupid. Now, this stupidity is not manifested in destructive decision-making or poor treatment of others. It is simply continued evidence that I seem to go through life perpetually learning things a bit too late.

When I would visit my grandparents' house in rural Missouri, I always enjoyed this tapestry "thing" they had in the guest bathroom. (I guess that considering its location it was "bathroom humor.") I don't recall everything it said - it was mostly focused on the humorous antics of European immigrants trying to farm in the New World - but the one line that has always stuck with me is where it said "You're too soon old and too late schmart!" (There were umlauts in there somewhere as well, but my typography skills are lacking).

I'm not old yet, but I think I need to get much schmarter much more quickly. I can think back to being a first-year student (you know, in 2007, about 20 years ago) and always wondering why the third-years never came to play basketball on Friday. Supposedly third-years didn't have to do anything and yet they never seemed to be available. Today, I am that third-year, and I can't play basketball on Fridays. I get text messages saying that people are playing, but I always have something I should be doing and normally end up doing instead.

I didn't understand what things were like at that time, but I do now. But with this realization comes the accompanying realization that I don't know what things are going to be like two years from now. I hope that I'll be able to adapt to those changes, but I also know that experience can be a cruel teacher.

In general, I am a little tired, and I need a break. Helpfully, I get one next week. In addition to doing real work, I am taking a trip to Sin City (a place not known for being old or schmart), which should be fun. I'm excited to see all of the world's greatest sights in miniature on top of hotels. They have to be at least as good as the real things, right?

After spring break, I will only have about six or seven weeks left, so I'll just have to put my head down and power through Michael Bluth-style. I don't know what it means that this semester, my last one, has probably been the hardest yet. It wasn't the way I meant for things to be, but I guess that just proves the thesis. Too often, I just don't know until it is too late.

In other news, Kat's friend Lena visited here in Tucson and a good time was had by all. Lemon bars were served.

I took the professional responsibility exam, but I won't know if I passed for an indeterminate length of time.

It has rained a ridiculous amount already this year. Washes that normally have no water in them actually look like rivers; it is quite disorienting.

The Suns seem to be winning more than they are losing.

There is a new episode of Castle on tonight. (Yes, I realize that it is basically Murder, She Wrote, but I like it anyway. I also like watching Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes, but mostly I just like watching it to make fun of him. I would like to write the definitive biography of Andy Rooney's eyebrows and am currently in discussions to do just that. I think it could easily be a bestseller.)

Aloha!

Ends and Odds

2010-01-23T14:18:00.001-08:00

This is me eating a rather enormous donut from this donut shop here in Tucson. It was quite good. I ate the entire thing. I was a little depressed afterward. Those of you who are hip to the Twitter might recognize this as my new Twitter photo. I post it here for my extensive readership that is not hip to the Twitter and really are only hip to nursing homes, Snuggies, and, ironically, replacement hips.

It has been raining a lot lately, so there is plenty of snow on the mountains. Here are a couple shots off the back patio.

This is a video taken quite early in the morning on January 13, 2010. I think it can actually double as a short film. The pathos is off the charts. I'm thinking of entering it in some festivals, so tell me what you think. (The file was too big so I had to convert it. My converter was a free trial version, hence the words. However, I think they simply add to the overall aesthetic. If my hip readers care to help with converting this file, they should contact me.)

Be good.

"He's Like a Kid Out There!"

2010-01-07T10:47:00.000-08:00

I don't know that it is transformative or important or anything other than interesting that I was present for the last game of the Agent Zero Era. Keith, Shaleah and I watched a less-than-enthused Wizards team mail in a game against the Suns, mere hours before the plane flight card game that would lead to real guns in the locker room, finger guns in the pregame huddle and the likely end of Gilbertology. I have the magnets to prove who Gilbert was, but I doubt I'll have the opportunity to watch him play much again.

While most athletes receive second, third, and often seventh chances, the fact that Gilbert clearly is not half as good as he was prior to the knee injuries mixed with his "quirkiness" is likely going to keep him from ever getting another contract, whether he gets paid from his current one or not. Obviously, I could not have foreseen the events that would unfold when I was watching the Suns disassemble a terrible Wizards roster, but as the game went on, it was clear to me that the sideshow of Gilbert had clearly superseded the play of Gilbert. He defended no one, he shot an eight-footer that hit the side of the backboard and he did nothing to ever help any teammate succeed offensively. The quirkiness is far less endearing without good basketball accompanying it.

But the point I want to make is not that Gilbert isn't Gilbert anymore; it is that somehow it is wrong for Gilbert to be Gilbert when we want every other athlete to be themselves. I am not condoning committing felonies, but I am condoning taking joy in a game that is meant to be joyful. Today I read columnists who revise history to say that things Gilbert did int the past prove that he is imbalanced or disturbed. They write that any NBA player who would run and dunk off of a trampoline during a timeout obviously is not "fit" to take the court in the NBA. But if Brett Favre grabbed a T-shirt cannon or wanted to take part in the Dr. Pepper football-tossing challenge, the media would race to tout how he was the "gunslinger" or "just like a kid out there." (I have a recurring nightmare wherein Mike Patrick is on loop saying "And you don't think he's having fun out there??!!!" The me who exists within this dream is clad in a straitjacket and simply drones "No, Mike, I never said I didn't think that he was not having fun out there. You intimated that I thought he wasn't having fun out there when at no point I thought any such thing." I have pretty terrible grammar in my dreams, apparently).

When it comes to Gilbert, I loved that he dunked off the trampoline because he did exactly what every one of us would have done if we were lucky enough to be him. It was Gilbert himself who said: "So if that's crazy or quirky, just give me season tickets to any arena and let me sit there with 20,000 other crazy or quirky people." We wanted to jump off the trampoline, but Gilbert did it for us. He joined us as crazy or quirky people. He made the NBA more accessible by being someone who seemed normal. In fact, during that Wiz-Suns game, when the Gorilla came out to dunk off a trampoline, I was totally uninterested in the aerobatics. Instead, I told Shaleah about the time that Gilbert dunked off the trampoline, even though he was coming back from a knee injury and had a $111 million contract. I appreciated the joy he took in it, even while it might have seemed stupid.

And now that Gilbert has done something that was, rather than just seemed, stupid, it might be over for him. He won't be able to make multiple comebacks interspersed with brush clearing in Mississippi. I'm not accusing Brett Favre of breaking any laws. His worst crime has been to be annoying and manipulate the sports media. If that were a crime, there would be no professional athletes walking free. However, I just see an incongruity in celebrating Favre's version of "realness," which apparently is Wrangler jeans and mud football, and denigrating as careless Gilbert's version of "realness," which apparently is that the only currency is joking merriment.

However, for Gilbert, we will see whether the currency of fun is as useful when he doesn't have any real currency. Some fans will be pleased about his exile and the possibility of him losing that contract. But even though he allegedly has done what he allegedly has done, I cannot be pleased about his exile. I enjoyed him too much to move on that quickly.

Kobe Bryant is so good at basketball as to be an automaton. His artistry can be appreciated, but it is impossible to identify with. (Sentence-ending preposition the result of writing this during a dream!). Gilbert was more earthbound. He was clearly gifted but also understandable. For people like me, he WAS the people's champion, even if he was never a champion of anything. And while the NFL continues to placate its people's champion; the NBA's has been sent away - tossed off the entertaining edifice that he had himself built. I cannot blame others for Gilbert's failings, but I can celebrate his greater moments, that edifice that he built, that joy he brought. Those things, I can celebrate.

Who wants to talk about 1988?

2009-12-29T13:37:00.001-08:00

The Onion AV Club, where all serious hipsters, such as myself, go to learn what they think about everything, has an ongoing feature called "Better Late Than Never." In BLTN, AV Club staffers watch a movie or read a book that pretty much everyone except them has already watched, read, discussed and disposed of. It is sort of Jim Gaffigan's bit about watching the movie Heat come to life. Since the AV Club tells me everything to think (although I don't think I should be blamed since, by and large, the movies they like I like and the movies I hate they hate), I'm going to steal their bit and talk to you about a book that came out when I was still in elementary school. That book is Friday Night Lights by H.G. "Buzz" Bissinger.

Despite the absurdity of an adult going by the name Buzz or Mr. Bissinger's rather cantankerous views on blogs and the Internet, I was thoroughly impressed by his book. I am now sporting a bruise from hitting myself in the forehead so often in exasperation as to why I did not read it earlier. However, as I have thought about it further, I think that maybe now is the best time for me to read the book.

There is nothing normal in this book. It is mind-bottling that in 1988 a high school spent $20,000 to fly its team to an away football game. It is similarly mind-bottling that high school teams did - and still do - play a 16-game season if they get to the state championship; that a team from a dusty West Texas town could compete at such a level with such consistency for so long; that some of the people in the book espouse attitudes that would have sounded racist in 1888, let alone 1988; that anyone could care as much about anything as the people of Odessa did about Odessa Permian football.

But what Bissinger does - and any good sports book does - is tell a story that is really not about sports at all. The idea of "sports as a prism for society" is a theme of almost every sports book that gets published, however, in most instances it is so nakedly presented and wildly misplaced and misunderstood as to be ridiculous. However, Bissinger weaves his tale seamlessly.

Despite my best attempts to fake it, I have difficulty reading books that are dense and boring. (Unless I'm being paid to do it, in which case, my abilities improve greatly!) As a result, I find sports books quite inviting, and my favorites are those that can tell me something more than just who caught a winning touchdown pass. And I think in the case of Friday Night Lights, it is the greatest sports book I have ever read. SI ranked it number four, but for me it is number one. (That is a great list. By my recollection, which is poor, I have read 4, 6, 7, 8, 10, 13, 20, 25, 31, 48 and 70. Not bad, but not great)

I have never watched FNL the movie or the television show, although I have heard they are good. But this book needs no dramatic rendering - it is ceaselessly dramatic. The reason that I am glad that I waited to read the book is that it allowed me to think about my own high school experience now a decade gone by. I am thankful that I didn't have to attempt to succeed in the kind of environment that existed at Odessa Permian and I cannot understand the actions of the adults who condoned it. However, for those who survived and definitely those who thrived under the lights, it must have created amazing memories.

While reading the book I was thinking that now these high school characters I was reading about are old. They turn 40 next year. They are nothing like those characters: physically, mentally or otherwise. They were a cog in a machine they did not understand, that they may never understand. Bissinger's writing does not make fun of them for being cogs. He merely relates what it was like to not have to go to class, to get free candy in your locker, to be a hero every day and especially on Friday night. Even while understanding the sheer stupidity of certain decisions and the clearly misplaced values, it can summon feelings from the past. It can make you exclaim "Oh, to be a cog!"

A Modest Prediction

2009-12-10T16:32:00.000-08:00

My belief is that one name is currently finding itself in more law school exams than any other name this fall: Tiger Woods. The combination of his life falling apart at the end of November - the prime time when law school professors actually have to write the fall semester exams, the fact that his name is everywhere (even more than usual), and the fact that the details are sordid and lend themselves easily to all kinds of legal hypotheticals, makes it a seeming lock that plenty of students will be analyzing questions involving Tiger.

I have an exam on Monday for Community Property, in which I am about 75 percent sure there will be a Tiger Woods question. While Florida is not a community property state, most states that do not follow community property have created statutory structures to operate similarly at divorce. I presume my question will simply transfer Mr. Woods to Arizona, include a few cracks about bad driving and skanks and go from there.

The basic community property law is this: whatever money Woods made during the period when he was married (which he still is - I don't mean to bury his marriage before it is over, although he has been doing a pretty good job apparently) is community property, which must be split in half. Half goes to Ms. Nordegren and half goes to Mr. Woods. During his marriage I believe - although I have not verified - that Mr. Woods made roughly eleventy bajillion dollars. Ms. Nordegren, thus, would be entitled to half of that, or fivety point five bajillion dollars. Her half is not reimbursement or spousal support but simply an ownership interest. In a community property jurisdiction, marriage is a partnership in which the money that is earned is earned by the community, not its component members.

Money or assets that are received during marriage through gift or inheritance are not community property, but just about everything else is. For the Woodses, the golf prize money, the endorsements, the video game royalties, etc. - it is all community property.

In Arizona, community property must be split "equitably, though not necessarily in kind." Courts have generally read this to mean that not all property needs to be divided perfectly in half, but the in the aggregate the property distribution should be 50-50. A court cannot deviate from this structure, no matter the actions of the parties. And by statute, a court must make its property distribution "without regard to marital misconduct." While Mr. Woods might look to that particular language as a lifesaver, courts have often chose to make "equitable" distributions in ways that appear to punish those who have been less than perfect spouses. Mr. Woods likely would fear going before a judge in a divorce action - even if he had lots of statutes on his side.

But you protest that this is all irrelevant: Mr. Woods opted out of the community property system - and any similar statutory system - through a prenuptial agreement. While community property is a default system in community property states, couples are able to avoid the system by agreeing to alternate property schemes. The basic prenuptial agreement specifies that a couple will not share any community property except for any property that they choose to be jointly titled, such as a home or vehicle. With such an agreement, the money that each spouse makes remains their separate property, which will not be split at divorce. This likely would mean that Woods could keep his eleventy bajillion dollars, and Ms. Nordegren would get much, much less. (Obviously, the prenuptial agreement probably takes quite good care of Ms. Nordegren - they had to get her to sign it somehow - but I explain this merely to show the general outline of the law.)

What is most interesting about the prenuptial agreements issue is that in many states a prenuptial agreement is MORE likely to be enforced than a regular contract. That seems ridiculous when one considers all of the stress and, for lack of a better word, drama that often goes into the signing of such a document. However, many states have adopted the Uniform Premarital Agreements Act, which only invalidates a prenuptial agreement due to procedural unconscionability or when certain financial disclosures are not made. The UPAA entirely eschews analysis of substantive unconscionability (an impressive legal term that basically looks at whether something is fair or not) and instead will enforce prenuptial agreements as long as certain requirements were met. There is often some duress in the signing of a prenuptial agreement (such as, sign this or I'll call off the wedding) and there is often a large sophistication or power differential among the parties (hence the need for such an agreement at all). I would assume - although I do not know - that Ms. Nordegren was represented by counsel in the negotiations of a prenuptial agreement, so it is likely that the agreement is fair. But nonetheless, many prenuptial agreements are not fair, and yet courts, constrained by the law, enforce them.

Another point to make clear about prenuptial agreements is that it is not the person who has a lot of money that has all the power, but it is rather the person who has the capacity to make a lot of money that has all the power. All of the money that Mr. Woods already had was not going to become Ms. Nordegren's money just because they got married. That was his separate property money for him to do with as he liked. But it was clear that Mr. Woods was likely to make a lot of money during marriage, and it was this money that would become community property to which each spouse would have an undivided one-half interest.

If there is no prenuptial agreement or it is unenforceable, Mr. Woods will be subject to the divorce law of Florida. While I am not familiar with it specifically, I assume it is similar in structure to what has been outlined above. Many of the super-rich live in Florida to avoid income tax, but the divorce law is also something about which they should be knowledgeable. The money that they save in taxes can easily go out the door at divorce if their prenuptial agreement fails and their ex leave with half.

Additionally, there are interesting community property questions as to the home that the family lived in - such as could Ms. Nordegren receive reimbursement for community property payments made on the mortgage (if there was one?) and could Ms. Nordegren even have an ownership interest in the home due to community property money being used to pay the mortgage. Additionally, does Ms. Nordegren have an interest in trophies and other non-monetary winnings that could be considered ownership? The more likely result would be for Ms. Nordegren to receive a somewhat larger portion of the community property as an offset for Mr. Woods being allowed to keep those trophies.

The final "interesting" question (I realize no one else finds this interesting, but it is cathartic for me) is the matter of negotiating a settlement. Every settlement is negotiated "in the shadow of the law," which means that counsel must first objectively analyze the client's position and what is likely to happen at trial. Mr. Woods' reputation has already taken such a beating that it is possible he would be willing to go to trial, but it seems more likely that Ms. Nordegren could get seemingly anything she wanted in order for Mr. Woods to avoid a trial and further embarrassment. Even if Ms. Nordegren is "only" entitled to fivety point five bajillion dollars, I think she could easily ask for eight-ty point six bajillion dollars and find a willing taker.

In the end, while community property would seem to be the best candidate for Tiger Woods law school exam questions this fall, there is also the possibility of family law, criminal procedure questions, criminal law questions, negotiation, and others. It should be an exciting exam period!

Community property questions are often the domain of the super-rich, and I feel the Tiger Woods saga - however it turns out - may be fodder for law school questions for years to come. I'll let you know whether I get to write about it on Monday.

(None of the above was legal advice. This blog does not dispense legal advice. You should not look to this blog for legal advice. Looking to this blog for legal advice is prima facie evidence of lack of capacity.)

Trip Report

2009-10-25T11:54:00.000-07:00

Kat and I went to Arizona's state capitol yesterday for a day of fun. Herewith, is the rundown of the hijinks we got into.

First, IKEA. Those Scandinavians know a thing or three about cheap furniture. We eschewed (that means "did not attempt to eat") the furniture and instead just bought some new slipcovers for our current furniture. We now have three sets of slipcovers, but most of them have been defiled by dogs. This new set will probably stay white for about a month, but what choice do you have when your pets control your life.

Second, we drove by the building where I am going to work and what was around it. We also took a look downtown. Kat seemed to like the area where I am going to work.

Third, we drove out to the Peoria Sports Complex to sit in on an intimate gathering that was the Peoria Saguaros versus the Peoria Javelinas. Thad Franklin Weber (note: middle name has not been verified) of the Detroit Tigers organization took the mound for the Javelinas in the fourth inning. Thad gave up two runs, but he was going against all-star hitters and an umpire with a strike zone that could only be seen by using the most cutting-edge technologies in microscopy. Thad said he felt good and made good pitches, and it was really cool to get to see him pitch. I don't think I had seen him on the mound in maybe eight years, although the only improvement would have been if Elliott Lloyd Gautreaux (note: middle name has been verified) was behind the plate.

Kat and I left when it became clear that Thad would not be pitching anymore. We left the assorted scouts, autograph seekers and baseball enthusiasts (that is, rather aged and portly white men) and headed over to Scottsdale. When we got to Westworld for the horse show, there was nothing going on. Our timing was quite poor. Finding nothing to catch our interest, we executed a well-known Kat Gautreaux contingency plan: go to a mall. We went to Kierland Commons (where you can buy a loft above a B.Rep for "only" $700k!) and looked around. Kat bought a shirt with a rooster on it at J.Crew.

We then went back to Peoria to meet up with Thad and his dad Les Orestes Weber (you know the drill on the middle name) at Cheesecake Factory. Kat and I got lost, so we were a little late. We had a nice dinner. Mr. Weber was quite generous. We talked to this guy for awhile. And generally a good time was had by all. Thad explained what minor league life was like and we talked about dogs and other topics. Kat purchased a salad that appeared to have been constructed by Frank Gehry. After thanking the Webers, we returned home to Tucson. The dogs were excited to see us.

All in all, it was a pretty good day.

Look back to go forward

2009-09-23T18:11:00.001-07:00

Two long years ago one of my professors required us to write letters to our third-year law student selves. It was an interesting exercise, I guess. Anyway, now 730 days later, said professor returned those letters to us. Is my letter interesting? No. Is it enlightening? No. Is it funny? Not particularly.

I will point out that I included Kat in its drafting, lo, that 104 weeks ago. The other important thing to point out is the name on the envelope to return my letter: Jeffrey Gautieaux. Yes, clearly, I command lots of respect in these parts. Conduct yourself accordingly.

Anyway, here you go.

I'll blog even when I have nothing to say

2009-09-13T13:35:00.000-07:00

I went to my first University of Arizona football game last night here in Tucson. The somewhat-mighty Wildcats defeated Northern Arizona 34-17. It was a pretty impressive spectacle. No one sent me the memo about wearing a red shirt, so I was one of the few U of A fans in a white shirt. However, it did not affect the outcome. I went to the game with my friend "Double D" after I received two free tickets from my friend "Rory." The crazed Wildcat fans next to "Double D" and I questioned why we weren't cheering or yelling more. In fact, at one point a woman said "You guys don't look like you are having fun." I was going to mention how sports are an intellectual exercise for me, but instead I just said "It's OK." The game was enjoyable, but I think I am done with cheering in general.

I have watched some football this weekend, and I still find it an enjoyable sport. I enjoyed the exciting mediocrity v. mediocrity battle that was Notre Dame v. Michigan. I also enjoyed the ridiculousness of the Denver/Cincinnati game, which for some reason was on here in Tucson. I am free to watch all the sports that I want with Kat at sea, but I think I would rather watch less sports and see her more. Kat seems to be having a good time, but I can only hold things together for so long. Another one of my friends, "Ted," says that he imagines me being forced to fight off Lucy and Lily in an attempt to have any food to eat.

(Obviously the "friends" mentioned in this post have different names. The names have been changed to protect their identities and to allow them to deny they know me.)

It is still summer in Tucson and the weather reflects it. We got rained on a decent amount last night at the football game, and the temperature drops at night, but it is still quite warm during the day. And since I am now blogging about the weather, I have officially become 80 years old and need to sign off.

I promise some great future posts with tales of Kat's travels and travails (with pictures!). But for now, you, like me, will have to be patient.

I did watch a film - In the Loop - this weekend, which is quite enjoyable. If you get a chance to see it at your local independent film theatre (those are in every town right?) then I would suggest it. It is deliciously satirical and very, very, very funny.

Well that is all that I have for you. I haven't blogged in forever, so I felt I should, but the poor level of this post makes me question whether I should continue. Well, at least I didn't talk about basketball, right? Alright, later.

Did you miss me?

2009-08-03T20:30:00.000-07:00

All right stop, collaborate and listen
Ice is back with a brand new invention

I hadn't heard VI in many moons, but a fellow law clerk, who clearly wishes it still was the 1990s, had it bangin' in his Subaru Legacy the other day (Sirius '90s on 9 channel if you want to queue it up) and it brought back a flood of memories. Actually, it was more like a moderate trickle of memories. What I remembered was that other than the stolen bass line that song was pretty terrible. And long, too, insufferably long. I also remembered when VI destroyed the set during the taping of 25 Lame, a show that is crying out to be released on DVD. I am actually getting close to just breaking down and buying a bootleg copy from someone online because the Youtube clips aren't enough. I think my memory of 25 Lame is actually funnier than it actually was, but not a week goes by that I don't think of it. (That was a sad sentence but nonetheless true!)

But before you think me some sort of sentimental sappy sod, I can explain why I am in such a contemplative mood. I am reading a biography of Ted Williams that is making me yearn for the past, when men were men (meaning they tended to spit on unruly fans) and baseball was baseball (meaning, I guess, that only white men were allowed to play it). (Speaking of Williams, read this. It is the greatest sports story ever written and seems to show that maybe everything was better in the past). However, I guess the noted poor driver William Joel may have been right when he said "the good old days weren't always good and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems." That's the kind of seemingly deep yet totally pointless comment that could sell pop records back when I was a kid. Now, it's just booty-shaking, Autotune, and kooky Minnesotans dancing that moves product.

If you can't tell, I have no idea what is going on in the world these days. I move in a bubble of unimportance that I pretend is important. And that is really what I wanted to talk about. Recently, I attended a hearing with a real live prisoner in a real orange jumpsuit and real arm and leg shackles. I attended this hearing to see this person because much of my time lately has been working in an effort to keep said person in said jumpsuit. Said person clearly did not understand why I was at his hearing and probably was not happy to have me there. But I wanted to be there to recognize that what I was doing was having an impact. Obviously, such a situation can lead to some conflicting feelings. I don't really know if said person belongs in that jumpsuit. I know what I have been told. I know what I read in reports. But it is something a little bit different to see the effect on the actual person and the effect on his or her family. I often say that staying in the office, poring over books and never seeing the light of day is fine with me (can a person's skin get more untanned than absolute white? Of course not, it's an impossibility!). But sometimes you have to face what you are doing. Not because it is supposed to make you feel bad about it or that you are doing the wrong thing, but to keep you focused on how important it is so that you do only what you know is right and truthful.

When Chief Justice John Roberts was on campus this year he was asked if he lost sleep over all of the petitions he gets from prisoners on death row. He frankly admitted that if he did lose sleep over them he wouldn't ever get any sleep. This is true. He said he simply took every one seriously, made his best decision, and then moved on. If he didn't move on, he wouldn't get to live his own life. I think he was absolutely right, but the trick is to take each one seriously even after receiving them over and over again. I am far too green to take anything lightly, but I know that attending that hearing simply reinforced the need for focus.

I meant for this entry to be lighthearted. Honestly, the only thing that keeps this blog from being the bleakest on the Interwebs is that I post so rarely. I don't mean to be spend every day of my life as Mopes the Sad Clown or some sort of martyr who has the weight of the world on his shoulders. I guess I just take this stuff seriously, for now, at least. My current fear level is at orange at all times, although it is inching toward red since I am less than one year from the bar exam. By then I don't think I'll have any fingernails left, maybe no fingers at all. The seriousness will be like Schindler's List in Darfur. No, I won't expect you to talk to me. I wouldn't talk to me either.

So I'm going to post this, even though it is of questionable value and makes me seem like a possible danger to myself and others. But when it's not basketball season there is not much for me to write about. Well, some of my readers don't want the basketball anyway. I can't think they would like this better, but we'll see I guess. Well, that's all for now.

If there's a problem, yo I'll solve it
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

(Redacted)

2009-07-03T20:40:00.000-07:00

Here is some more useless drivel about the (redacted), (redacted) work I am doing. Enjoy if you can.

During the past two weeks, I watched nearly every minute of a rather extensive trial involving two defendants who allegedly smuggled illegal aliens. The trial was a bit of a soap opera and veered close to (redacted) on a couple of occasions. I think it is likely that (redacted), but when it came down to the verdict both defendants were convicted of all three counts of alien smuggling. The most interesting part of the trial was the defense that was being put forward by the defendants. They did not deny that what they did was illegal or that they were the ones doing it, but their defense was that they thought they were working “deep undercover” for law enforcement. I do not know what they really believed or if this was just a defense created from desperation when they knew they were in trouble, but that uncertainty is what was most interesting to me. I firmly believe that the adversarial process is the best way to actually figure out the facts of what happened, but when it comes to beliefs or intent, we must admit that we can never enter the head of another person. As a prosecutor or defense attorney, you have to believe in your case in order to zealously advocate for it, but I often wonder if lawyers who are fighting to win at trial can even allow themselves to truly consider whether the other side is in the right. Can they allow themselves to wonder at all? Any good lawyer knows it is imperative to consider the weaknesses of his or her case, but my point is about whether one can really take the step of considering whether the other party may deserve to win.

(Redacted)

Ultimately, I am comfortable with the fact that even if I were a juror for that trial, I would not have really known what those defendants were thinking or what they believed. However, the jury instructions required a reasonable belief, and I do not think it was reasonable for those defendants to believe they were working for law enforcement when they had never talked to any real law enforcement officers. I think the jury got it right. A lot of resources and a lot of time was spent, but the American legal system delivered what appears to be a just outcome after a fair process. Clearly, our system of justice is not perfect; it just seems better than anything else one could imagine.

Despite one’s feelings about our justice system, there is no doubt that it is rife with complexity, which is a topic I have been thinking about a lot lately. While the jury instructions for the trial were presented in what appears to be layman’s terms, it seems that the defense attorneys in their closing arguments did their best to muddy the waters and possibly even confuse the jury. While I do not impugn their efforts and understand their duties to their clients, it seems that the defense attorneys made what the jury had to consider seem more complex and daunting than it really was. And some of the questions given to the judge by the jury during its deliberations showed that it was getting a little confused as to what the instructions meant. Our American method for resolving disputes, which I was as recently as the previous paragraph citing as the best possible system, shows itself to be more complex each day that I show up for work. The sheer amount of law and the amount of complexity within that law is staggering. While it may create some job security for lawyers (if you can get one first, that is!), I fear that the complexity that has been built into the system over time has made it impenetrable to anyone who is untrained (and even many who are). Recently, I have been working on a (redacted) that was filed by a pro se plaintiff. The complaint is largely incomprehensible and does not follow any pleading conventions. It has been more difficult to write a (redacted) for such a complaint because it makes so little sense that I do not know where to start refuting it. I am not arguing that our system should be simple enough to allow anyone to file their own complaint. Such a system would be inefficient and unhelpful. However, my concern lies more with the public’s opinion of the legal system itself. Because of how complicated it is to do even seemingly simple things, the public sees lawyers as a malevolent force and comes to believe that the system is set up to take advantage of the unsophisticated. And sometimes those things are true.

I don’t have an answer. This is simply an observation (and not really that perceptive of one – it is akin to writing an entire paragraph about how it seems like the Pope might in fact be Catholic). But I sometimes feel that things are being made more complex in order to benefit certain groups at the expense of others. Today, while I was reading a case, I had to stop and laugh when the opinion drily stated (with no apparent sense of humor) that “in our circuit we do not use the common sense approach.” And I felt that such a sentence could be included in hundreds of opinions every day. Common sense is not the answer to all of our prayers. And some people would not like my version of common sense, and I would abhor theirs. My answer – which I hope is better than my observations – is to always focus on the fact that as a lawyer the goal is to help people navigate this complexity that has developed and to help them feel as though they are guiding their own ship. I hope I never reach a point where I feel it is wasteful or unnecessary to explain – in understandable terms – what decision the client needs to make and what factors impact that decision. It remains their decision – even if they need me to explain what it is they need to decide. To me, that is the job of being a lawyer and that is the way to help the client. Yes, it is advocating and advising, but I think in the end it is about explaining.

And after explaining, there is of course listening and actually doing what the client wants. But I will have to save that for a couple of weeks from now. That is enough of my observations and theories.

Synergy

2009-06-20T11:22:00.000-07:00

The summer class in which I am enrolled requires me to journal about my work experience. I thought I could also share it on the blog because nothing says fun like more blather from me.

Some quick-hitters first though:

Kat and I went to a Shakespeare in the Park production of Julius Caesar last night. It was community theater, but it was still pretty good. Plus, we had Dunkin' Donuts munchkins with us, which always makes anything better!

Tonight, the plan is to go see the Tucson Toros independent league baseball team in action against the Yuma Scorpions. One of the interesting parts of Julius Caesar last night was the intermittent crowd noise and even fireworks from the baseball stadium across the park. Tonight, we'll see how baseball is affected by occasional mentions of "Durst did he not!" and "Aye, be that it were!"

Not much else is going on, so forthwith, here is my first "journal" entry, with a few redactions to make it seem that much more like a federal government document:

I started at the (redacted) in (redacted) on June 5. I was scheduled to start June 1, but my (redacted) was a little slow. I speculate that my (redacted) was so lacking in interesting details that the (redacted) employee just could not manage to complete it.

But now that I am working, I have found that I really enjoy it. My assignments have been varied – some straight research, some memos and right now I am working on a (redacted) for an appeal to the (redacted) (redacted) Court of (redacted). I do not want to make my part of the appeal process sound more impressive than it is. I am simply drafting an attempt at the statement of facts and the argument so that the attorney writing the (redacted) does not have to do as much work. My hope is that what I turn in helps at least in some way and does not actually create more work for the attorney. We shall see!

I have attended some court hearings as well. I attended a hearing in a case involving former U.S. Congressman Rick Renzi, who was indicted on conspiracy, fraud and money laundering charges. The hearing was about how the FBI conducted its wiretap investigation of Renzi’s cellular phone calls. As an avid fan of “The Wire” on HBO, it became quite clear that, even for all of the attention to detail in the television show, presenting the real minutiae of a wiretap investigation would probably be too boring to hold anyone’s attention. I also attended a hearing on whether or not to require pretrial detention for a suspect who allegedly set off a bomb behind a (redacted) bar, blowing his own arm off in the process. These examples are simply proof that if you cannot find anything good on television on a weekday – and who can during the summer? – you can always come on down to your taxpayer-funded federal court and you are likely to find something to pique your interest—and free air conditioning.

Some of the hearings I have attended have been on the testy side. A hearing I attended for a drug case featured the attorneys sniping at each other like my parents trying to decide what time to go to the airport. Some hearings seem like they have been testy for almost no reason. But I think when the same attorneys butt heads repeatedly over the same issues and disagreements, after awhile they stop offering the little courtesies. I think that is why it is best, when one can, to go up against different attorneys in different courts before different judges. I think, at least in certain courts, familiarity does breed contempt. While there is often a lot of work to do, I aim to keep attending hearings and trials to get a flavor of what cases are like on a day-to-day basis in federal court.

My mother has been a high school teacher for more than 30 years, and, not coincidentally, is bordering on mentally ill. However, one thing she has always told her students has started to ring somewhat true for me over the last two weeks. She always tells her students that they should aim to find jobs that they would do for free. She says she feels this way about being a high school teacher, which I submit is just more proof of her festering mental illness. When she would unleash this little gem on me, I treated it as a thought experiment; I never had any intention of actually testing the theory. However, I now find myself doing work for free, and although I find it almost too earnest to really say it, I get up each day excited to go to work and have not minded the fact that I am not getting paid. While I do not think working for nothing for my entire life is a sustainable option (and I think the Civil War Amendments might have something to say about it!), this experience has shown me how legal work can be fun, frustrating and fulfilling, all at the same time.

In closing, I am writing this after a pretty good day at work, and I think that could be coloring the tone of this journal entry. If I reread this following a less than stellar day I will probably sneer disdainfully or vomit – for my sake, I hope the former. But despite the fact that I keep getting lost in the building, keep getting blisters from my new shoes, and keep forgetting whether case names are or are not italicized, I like what I am doing and I am learning a lot about new areas of the law. Each day has been good so far. I hope it keeps up.

Reunited

2009-05-27T16:00:00.000-07:00

I'm back at home today after a few days in Nebraska. I enjoyed my ten-year reunion and seeing some of my friends. Kat got sort of sick at the end of the trip (I think she can only take so much Nebraska before undergoing a physical reaction), and now I am sick today. However, I didn't have a whole lot to do today anyway, so taking it easy is good.

One of the last times I was in Nebraska I stole someone's car. This time I stole my mother's car keys. However, I have mailed them back to her.

Kat's dad got here yesterday after many days on the road and is preparing for the next part of his motorcycle trip.

Here are a smattering of photos from the trip to Nebraska.

This bar was serious about outlawing horseplay. I stood ramrod straight the whole evening out of fear that I would break the shuffleboard table. Thankfully, nothing was damaged. (I was pretending to take a photo of Kat while really wanting to get a look at the signs. Thus, I got half of her)

An action shot at the bar.

Keith and Shaleah in their home. They did a C-Section while I was visiting but I slept through it. (The C-Section wasn't on me, obvs, but I thought it was impressive nonetheless.)

A sad photo from the past. At any high school reunion, yearbooks will get passed around. I thought this photo was noteworthy because of the melancholy on Keith's face but also the supermodel good looks. Rowrr!

The Elite Eight. My tallness, as usual, obscures someone else. Still, quite an impressive group. This was eight of our original seventeen-person graduating class.

When speaking on behalf of our graduating class, I pulled no punches. The elderly and my mother (which are kind of the same thing) withstood the brunt of my verbal attack. It was pretty nerve-wracking but also fun.

Kat, as usual, doing her best to stay sane during a visit to Nebraska.

I enjoyed the trip and seeing my family, some of whom complained about the frequency of my blogging. I'll try to do better this summer, but I'll have to see if anything interesting - that I can talk about - happens to me.

Know Comment

2009-04-26T21:03:00.000-07:00

A horde of wannabe commenters (maybe not that many, but work with me) were calling for the end of any restrictions on commenting on this blog. Well, commenters unite because now you have nothing to lose but your chains. You can anonymously comment, although be warned, this area will probably soon be a Hobbesian state of nature. Good luck.

New Whine in Old Bottles

2009-04-25T09:04:00.000-07:00

Kat went to Scottsdale for some shopping fun today. She'll probably come back even more fashionable than she already is.

I'm going to school to study. I'm dilly-dallying about by writing this blog post in order to delay the inevitable (and wait for the library to open).

We went to a law-school related dinner last night and then went to a dessert lounge (ooh, how decadent!). We then came home and watched The Wrestler on DVD. It was pretty good, although there were parts that neither Kat nor I enjoyed watching.

Speaking of decadence, a few weeks ago we were at a different eatery and the menu said one dessert was a "decedent" portion of something-or-other. Let me provide a word of advice: it is important to know the difference between decadent and decedent - at least in my opinion.

I don't have much to say. I could tell you a lot about FRCP Rule 23 or the stepped-up tax basis for inherited property, but I don't think anyone cares. I just have to keep going.

Trying to keep the demons at bay

2009-04-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

I'm getting into law school crunch time, and I've begun to feel that I don't like being crunched. I think I need this book to help get me through.

I didn't come here to talk about me, though. I wanted to talk about paranoia, ridiculousness, outsized expectations, premature judgment and general self-loathing (Again, I must reiterate, I'm not talking about me). Instead, I am discussing the search for a new basketball coach for the University of Arizona. For most of my readers (how much is most of two?) this particular topic has no relevance to them and does not affect them. But lo, if it were so easy for me.

Alas, since I live in Tucson (a beautiful place with a lot going for it, however, a grasp of reality when it comes to UA Basketball remains wanting) I must constantly be reminded of this quest to find a guy to stand on the sidelines in a suit. I can't even avoid it at law school since many people went to Arizona as undergrads and not only drank the Kool-Aid, they had their blood replaced with it.

So there are constant rumors and stories and arguments and discussions and it could not be more tedious. The latest craze is to want to fire the athletic director since he hasn't persuaded Jesus Christ himself to come to McKale Center. While it may seem like heresy (pardon the religious references but I'm just trying to give you a taste of what it is like to be forced against one's will to be a parishioner at the Church of the Silver Fox) maybe people should realize that the AD was put in a no-win situation by the demigod that is Lute Olson with his will-I-coach-won't-I-coach headgames. It is hard to hire a coach during a season because all of the successful candidates are, you know, coaching their own successful teams. Alas, I punch at the wind because asking for rationality among this fanbase is like asking for Kat not to watch cute videos of puppies on Youtube: you just can't.

Personally, I would just like it to end. Please hire someone and let us get back to our lives. Until then, I hope to burrow into the law books and not come out. Someday, it will be over. For now, we wait.

Busyasever

2009-02-27T16:45:00.000-08:00

SobusyIdon'tevenhavetimetoseparatewords!

Not really, but I have been kind of running around lately. Just a few thoughts I wanted to get down before they lose all relevance. It may already be too late.

Kat and I joined some law school pals today for a spring training game between the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Chicago White Sox at lovely Tucson Electric Park. The Sox wiped the floor with the home team 10-1. I know it makes little sense to say I'm so busy and then mention wiling away the hours at a baseball game, but you'll have to trust me that I was busy before that. The game was nice. We sat on a blanket and enjoyed a beautiful day.

I'm getting more law review work as I begin to work on my new managing editor position. That is what I'll be doing most of tomorrow. It should be fun - or at least something like it.

My thoughts are with my Grandpa Gautreaux who broke his hip. Hang in there! My thoughts are also with my Grandpa Rinne, who is getting used to some new digs. I hope he likes the new home.

Now to the important stuff: Will Stephon Marbury help the Celtics? I get a little annoyed when pundits claim he will destroy a veteran-laden team simply with his presence. The C's can just cut him if he causes problems, so this is a good decision. Additionally, what the pundits seem to ignore is the fact that Eddie House can't really play backup point guard. Boston's biggest rivals know that if Rondo isn't in the game, they should press full-court and harass whoever is trying to advance the ball. If the Celts can simply insert Marbury to bring the ball up court successfully, he will be a big plus.

I enjoy the stylings of Eddie House as much as anyone (I loved him when he was with the Suns), but people forget that House was most successful when he played alongside Nash - not when Nash was out of the game. House is a shooter - not a point guard. And if the Celtics had left him as its backup point guard in the playoffs, they were asking for trouble. I fully understand that Marbury may have a veritable cornucopia of mental illnesses, but as long as he can dribble the ball up the court and initiate an offense without totally disrupting everything - he will be an improvement.

I am quite stoked to be going to see Lloyd in a few weeks. He sent me some sweet photos of his group of pilots (although he failed to send me the jorts and dogtags photos!) that I enjoyed. I'm excited for my trip to Del Rio.

Other than that, I'm going to be a little busy for the next few weeks, but I'll be excited to get a break during the aptly named spring break. I hope everyone is doing well out there. Take care.

I'll Manage

2009-02-08T09:18:00.000-08:00

I had some interviews on Friday. Most went well; some went less well. We'll see what shakes out for this summer.

In somewhat better news, I was selected as one of the managing editors for Law Review for 2009-2010. In addition to the freely-available mind-altering substances and the ever-present groupies, I will get a small stipend for my efforts. It should be a fun experience.

Kat and I are both feeling a little less than great, so we are taking it easy. We watched MST3K last night (Overdrawn at the Memory Bank) after we went for a walk. I have little of interest to tell you so I'll sign off. Adios.

Live On Blog

2009-02-05T16:35:00.000-08:00

If you want to hear me try to speak in more than one consecutive complete sentence, check out this vidcast.

You should watch the Jones in its entirety every day - obviously - but if you want to skip to the 15:30 mark, that is when the anti-magic happens. That's all. Out.

I'm here

2009-02-01T08:53:00.000-08:00

Hey brah, just an update on life on Me Street in Our Town.

Mom, thanks for sending the glove. I've never been good at softball, but I'm going to try anyway. There is a low talent threshold for law school sports, so I'm sure I'll be fine. Plus, it's Lloyd's glove, so I'm sure it has lots of magic in it.

Lloyd, I saw that Chris Paul went off in the game you attended, but the Spurs' dull boringness was too much to overcome. Did you fall asleep during any San Antonion possessions? That was a nice dunk by GINOBILI!, though.

Keith, sweet beard. Keep it up. Also, thanks for your advice on all things technological. We were both born in the wrong century. I'm from the 1700s and you should be living in the 2300s. Think how small the iPods will be then!

Kat, thanks for keeping the house purty. Everyone should totally see the new shams. I mean, QTpi.

Dad, I know you.

Everyone else and the people who have already been mentioned, my life just keeps on going. Everything is well. The weather is nice in Tucson. The Buzzsaw are where no Buzzsaw have gone before. LeBron is on broadcast TV today, although it is only against the Pistons, who I think are afraid of him. Yes, the economy is terrible and I may be one of the few lawyers in history to die of starvation, but doggone it (see, another of my 18th century phrases, just like jumpin' Jehosaphat) I'm feeling good. I'm sure it won't last long - probably just until the meds wear off - but that's OK. Enjoy the "big game" (Roger Goodell looks over my shoulder menacingly) if you like football, enjoy the commercials if you don't. Later.

Nebraska Photos a.k.a. Visual Evidence of Grievances

2009-01-19T17:24:00.000-08:00

Not much needs to be said about these photos. I'll just give you one sentence for each one.

Why does he have to look so mean?

Are you a good girl, Athena? (No answer)

The irony is thick with this one. I think it is probably the greatest picture of a picture ever taken. (OK, that was two sentences, but you'll have to cut me some slack and just enjoy the background in that photo)

No complaints with this guy, who is simply the world's greatest living pinochle player.

My bed, my bed, my kingdom for my bed! (I was going to caption this cryptically as "Rosebed" in reference to Citizen Kane, but I never really loved my bed all that much as a kid. However, to see its sorry state now does make me a bit sad. Oh well, like sands through the hourglass and mounds of junk into your childhood bedroom, THESE ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES)

Christmas Photos

2008-12-25T18:32:00.001-08:00

Kat's ear featuring half of one of her gifts.

Kat and Lily enjoying another gift that matches quite well with their outfits.

This is me enjoying my new shirt that Lloyd sent me. Although it did not lead to a victory on Christmas Day, I still liked wearing it. My hand signals represent the Suns being the 8th best team in the NBA (not because I'm a member of the Van Buren Boys).

This is me looking through my new binoculars that Kat's parents sent me. Kat got some as well. They are great for looking at houses that are built on the mountains north of our apartment.

This is Lily taking a sniff of her present. It contained a new hedgehog plush toy, which soon will be destroyed. That is how you know she likes it.

Thanks to all who sent gifts, and I hope everyone had a blessed Christmas.

Beasts!

2008-12-19T08:02:00.000-08:00

These photos aren't exactly perfect - actually, they make the Zapruder film look like Wall-E - but the excuse is that it was 3 a.m. and enormous wild boar-like creatures were tromping around our home. Thus, it was hard to keep a steady hand while simultaneously hearing their primeval, bloodthirsty grunts. But last night we were visited by two wild javelinas who were wandering around near the dog patch outside our back balcony. They might have been lost, in search of poodles (?!?) or just trying to scare people. But they were pretty cool/frightening to see.

Kat and I had only seen them one other time when we were out for a walk and they ran through a wash. They are quite large and look like they would enjoy gnawing on your femur. As Kat and I went back to sleep - and tried to get the dogs to calm down - we both had the same thought:

"I'm glad we don't live on the first floor!"

You kids ready to learn?

2008-12-13T08:05:00.000-08:00

The shirt shown above, probably my favorite of the many that I own, is now largely a relic of the past thanks to the most recent trade. The D'Antoni era that I enjoyed so much is clearly very much over. Despite the fact that most people in Arizona had begun loathing Boris Diaw about two years ago, I always liked his style of play. I enjoyed his "big guy who played small, small guy who played big" abilities as well as his French-ness. I fully expect that Larry Brown will soon banish him from even suiting up, but I won't forget the intriguing way he played the game.

One other note on the above picture, I was trying to make a sad face in order to convey my disappointment, but instead I just looked like I always do (sort of my own version of Blue Steel). Acting!

I didn't love this trade - although many other people did - but it probably needed to happen. Apparently Raja Bell did not care for Terry Porter's coaching, and Diaw has never shown that he could play alongside Stoudemire. And despite how much I enjoy Boris, I don't love him Badenov (did you see what I did there?) to take him over Amare.

However, I have a tentative plan for reworking the shirt to keep it in my rotation. Tell me what you think:

Another interesting angle of the trade was the continuing meltdown of Steve Nash, who does not appear to be having a lot of fun or enjoying the post-D'Antoni era. Nash sounded like he should be on suicide watch after the trade. His stats are way down. The team revolves around Shaq, when he plays, and Amare when Shaq doesn't. And this all occurs while D'Antoni takes the dregs of Isiah Thomas's intellectually bankrupt regime and still manages to get the Knicks to win about as often as they lose. It's an impressive achievement considering the players involved. I have not had a chance to watch complete NBA games, so I could be way off in my analysis. However, if the outcome of a season is going to be the same either way, I'd prefer entertaining to boring. I think right now the Suns are a little boring, and even they know it.

In happier NBA news, it is almost required viewing to check the NBA highlights each day to see the exploits of one Lebron Raymone James as well as Dwyane (Dwayne) Wade. LeBron is basically playing like a genetics experiment gone awesome that crossed a locomotive with an eagle with a computer with a headband. And although Charles Barkley has been asking for it for about five years, LeBron is playing like more of a finisher, rather than a point guard, and I think the Cavs (and of course the viewing public - I mean look at these dunks!) are better off for it. Their competition has not been exactly stellar lately, but it is hard to complain when they win in a blowout every night.

As for Wade, his team isn't very good, but he continues to play like he did in the Olympics. I don't know that he can be stopped on the pick and roll because he is so good at splitting the defenders. I just hope he can last the whole season without getting hurt, but he is definitely playing at a high level.

And of course, I haven't even mentioned the Celtics and the Lakers, who appear to be on a collision course for June (assuming LeBron and the LeBronnaires) don't stop the C's first. I think it should be an exciting season, and if my obvious brilliant thoughts don't pump you up, then maybe you aren't an NBA fan. And that's OK.

In other news I have been avoiding by talking about the NBA, I finished my finals for law school. They were punishingly punishing. It was not fun. I will talk about them no more.

In better news, here is a photo from Kat's birthday party from a while back.

The people in attendance sort of changed over time, so we didn't get a full group shot. But here were a few of the guests enjoying the event (check out the nice matching crowns!), and there is me videotaping the taking of a picture (file under apples, trees, distance falling from).

And since it wouldn't be a true Jeffrey blog post without a photo of the Boom's official mascot, Lily, here is the poodle sunning herself after a busy day of doing whatever it is she does.

So, that's all, I guess. I hope everyone is doing well. Merry Christmas!

This is my last post about fun

2008-11-30T07:38:00.001-08:00

Kat and I had a great visit with Elliott. Kat allowed us to watch a lot of football, even though in her mind, sitting on a couch staring at the television does not count as "doing something." But in between the football watching and the eating, we did fit in some things that might actually qualify as "doing something."

On Saturday, we went up to the top of Sentinel Peak (A Mountain). Here is Lloyd overlooking the vast expanse that is Tucson and deeming it worthy of a thumbs up.

Here is a photo of Kat - and of me, Matrix-style - on top of the mountain.

After the hike, we took a look at the law school. However, no photographic evidence exists of this trip. You'll have to trust me. Next, we went to the Reid Park Zoo. I had never gone to the zoo before, and I'm not sure why. Kat had occasionally asked to go to the zoo, but for some reason we never have. This, of course, led to lots of comments about how great the zoo was and how annoying it was that we had not gone before. I have no real defense to these arguments.

The zoo was a lot of fun. While we were probably the only people our age who were there and not pushing strollers, it was still a good time. Here is an Asian elephant and an African elephant who were playing a game of "pick up the stick with your trunk and throw it." They seemed to be having a pretty good time.

Here is a giraffe eating some grass. There were three very nice-looking giraffes.

These otters enjoyed playing to the crowd. The log in the picture is hollowed out and acts as sort of an animal water slide. They were thrilling the crowd with their human-like actions. Kat was rather pleased by this exhibit.

After the zoo we hit the In-n-Out Burger, which was tasty as usual. We then returned home for some lazing about and football-watching. While none of the games were anywhere close in excitement to the Nebraska game Friday (I think Kat was thoroughly disturbed by some of the actions that occurred during that tense contest), it was still fun.

Kat and I did put up Christmas lights outside our apartment last evening (Lloyd took a well-deserved nap), so now the house looks great. We also incorporated the wreath we already had up to display the gift that my Mom sent us. And while this is my last post about fun for awhile (finals, grrr!), this weekend has been great. It was awesome for Lloyd to make the trip and we all had a great time. I plan to return the favor during my spring break next semester.

We wish you a

and a happy new year!

By Request

2008-11-28T06:35:00.000-08:00

I received an e-mail this week - from a person who alleges that I never return e-mails - that I was not blogging enough. That may, in fact, be true, but I'm trying to make amends. Here's some bullet points from my life.

- It was good to see the family, if only by Skype, for Thanksgiving. It looks like a good time was had by all at Tim and Kay's. I'm sure it will be the same for Christmas.

- I have two finals and a big paper due and then I will officially be half done with law school (as long as everything goes well with those two finals and big paper). I don't really know if it has gone fast or slow (it can seem interminable at certain times), but it seems like I am getting closer to actually knowing something and actually being able to provide someone a service.

- Kat had a good birthday party. There was a pretty impressive turnout (for us) of both people and dogs and we had a lot of fun. The weather was great, and most people seemed to enjoy it. There were some close calls with near dog-fights, but overall a good time was had by all.

- Lloyd and I went and played basketball this morning at the regular 6 a.m. game. Nothing can top the look of incredulity on Lloyd's face when I explain that people are actually willing to play basketball this early in the morning. It was great to get to play with him, and we "dominated the dojo" despite the fact that Lloyd was playing hurt and I can't shoot. It was a lot of fun. Now, we are back and Lloyd is back to sleep and I am blogging. Kat is sleeping, too, so ssshhhhhh!

- Kat did a great job on the food yesterday for Thanksgiving. She even found a coupon online, so we had $10 off of our Boston Market turkey. Some of the employees at Boston Market were not thrilled with working on Thanksgiving, but that is neither here nor there.

- I'm excited to watch the Nebraska game today. I haven't seen a single Corn game all year, but Lloyd promises me that it will be good. He told me that Ndamukong "A Boy Named" Suh has been living in the other team's backfields the last few games and that he is the one I should watch. I withhold judgment but will let you know.

- The Buzzsaw that is the Arizona Cardinals were more like the Butter Knife that is the Arizona Cardinals last night. The rather underwhelming game led to this interesting quote from Bryan Robinson, which made it seem like he did not quite understand the current saturation of American media: "Not a whole lot of people get the NFL Network. That's the good thing about it." Sorry, Bryan, I get the feeling that they are going to hear about how the Cardinals, who are going to win the NFC West even if they don't win another game all year, got drubbed by the worst team in the NFC East. That's just my hunch.

- In marginally good news, I was selected to be a Writing Fellow (I always wanted to be a fellow, whether it was academic-related, jolly good or otherwise) for the law school's writing program. This means I will be the teaching assistant to a small writing class of 1L's during the spring semester. You should probably start praying for them now. I think it will be fun to help and should improve my writing, too.

- As an NBA fun, this Summer of 2010 drama is kind of annoying. It means that the Knicks and Mike D'Antoni have a free pass to continue being terrible for another two years. Despite the fact that eleventy bajillion words will be written about them anyway. I like LeBron, and I know he can't stop what other people talk about, but he is on a good team right now. I don't know if he should have to tamp down the rumors, but it might help if he didn't talk about it quite so much. I don't see why Cleveland can't be the team that plays the Lakers in the Finals rather than the Celtics. That should be their focus - not on stuff that might happen in the future. But even if LeBron is distracted (or distracting) he is still doing amazing stuff every night. That is fact. I don't profess to be totally uninterested in 7-1-10 - if all goes well I should be studying for the bar exam then - which will either decrease my interest considerably or mean that I am going to fail because I never studied and instead read TrueHoop all day.

- On the NBA tip (as the kids said about 10 years ago), I think the other problem with this season is it is abundantly clear that only three teams can win in the end. Last year, it truly seemed wide open and that any of a handful of teams could have the trophy. But this year the Lakers look unstoppable, the Celtics may not be as intense but look like they are ready for the grind and the Cavs look like they have "the player" and enough supporting players to do some damage. I think it will still be interesting, so if it wouldn't kill fans and the media, it would be nice if they could, you know, pay at least a modicum of attention to this season.

- And, just because I was thinking of it, here is Kevin Garnett's insane interview after the Celtics won the title.

- Last, I can't find this birthday card online, so I'll just explain it. (I'm sure it might dampen the hilarity, but you'll have to imagine). Kat received this card from her friend Lena (they were both once copy editors and share this humor, although it can also work for English teachers and people who correct people regularly - although I don't know anyone like that). Lena recently had a baby and Kat went to visit her and him in October. The baby has its own blog (although to me it doesn't look like he can even type yet!) and is relatively adorable. Anyway, that was a terrible and convoluted introduction (and I said I was a writing fellow!) but here is the card, if anyone has read this far:

We open with two girls, teenageish, apparently sitting in a school cafeteria. The quote balloon from the first says: "Where's your birthday party at?" The second then says: "Don't end a sentence with a preposition."

Then, you open the card and the same photo is present and only the first girl has a quote balloon, which says: "Where's your birthday party at, bitch?"

So, Mom, in the future, you might want to be careful with your corrections.

- Kat is now awake, so I will cease blogging. Keep it real.

You would not believe the number of e-mails I still have to go through!

2008-11-12T19:00:00.001-08:00

Change You Can Believe In!

2008-11-08T15:59:00.000-08:00

Do not rush to your computers to send me e-mails! The change I am referring to is the orientation of our apartment. Kat was suggesting that we should change things up in our living room, but I was skeptical that things could be improved. As usual, Kat was right because the new setup has energized the place.

This is Kat sitting in her new "office." It was only fair that since I have an office she should have one, too. She likes the new setup because it allows her to work on her computer while simultaneously watching television. See below:

We moved the dining room table under the strange light balls, moved the couch to the exact opposite wall and have provided nice mountain views for admiring during commercial breaks while watching television. For those of you who have never visited or don't have much memory of how things used to be, this probably means little, but I've typed this much, so I'm going to keep going.

Here is Lucy enjoying the new setup. And that is my knee.

Kat enjoying television, mountain views and the helpfulness of a hat on a bad hair day.

Other notes:
-Huskers now 6-4 are going bowling. I am going bowling on Thursday in the annual Arizona Law Review/Arizona Journal of International and Comparative Law nerd-off. I hope the Huskers do much better than I am going to.
-This LSU-Alabama game is exciting.
-I have a DTV analog converter (no idea what I'm talking about) but I only get some of my local channels. I don't know why I don't get them all. Currently, I watch NBC through the converter, but have to watch CBS and ABC over the air. There is no point to this except that I am not a technological genius.
-Enjoy Minnesota!
-Keep flying high, Lloyd!
-Viva dogsitting!
-That's all for now.

A Story I Think Is Funny

2008-11-02T17:18:00.000-08:00

Now that a certain unnamed law firm has officially told me that they have no interest in my intellectual wares, I wanted to relate the story of my interview with them.

It was a relatively straightforward interview, but the weirdness occurred before it began. Because I am a bit of a worrier, I always get to my interviews quite early and just hang around until it is time for me to start delivering poor answers to benign questions. I add even more time when I've never been to the place before, which was the case for this interview.

Anyway, I was about 90 minutes early for the interview. I had found the business park where the office was located, but I saw no need to actually go up to the office, where some of their employees might actually see me and know how weird I am.

So exactly 10 minutes before 10 a.m. I walked up to the office. I found the door and pushed it open - it squeaked ominously. I looked in and saw no furniture and no people. It felt like Brigadoon or maybe those episodes of the Twilight Zone where the main character goes back to a town only to find that he is the same and everything else has changed.

I quickly realized that I had gone to the wrong office. Wherever this law firm was now located, it was not here. Luckily, I had printed off the front page of the Web site (the same Web site that said my current location was where there office was), so I was able to call them. The secretary said "Oh, you're at our old office. We haven't been there for a month or so."

So now the secretary was trying to give me directions over the phone to a place I had never been to before. I ended up parking about a half mile away from where I was supposed to be and trying to walk quickly - in a suit - to get there a little less late. So, when I finally got to the office - out of breath, embarrassed, starting to sweat and confused - I had to try to do well with the interviews.

It wasn't my fault that I went to the wrong place. They never even told me where the real office was. And that's the point of the story. Despite the fact that they didn't even want to tell me where their office was - kind of like when mean girls refuse to tell the ugly girls where the party is going to be - I still wanted to work for them. I didn't seem to get the message that they didn't want me.

I don't know if this story is actually funny or not. But I laughed about it after the fact.

In other news, if anyone is still reading after that nonsense, I will say that I'm excited for the NBA to be back. NBA.com has great highlights every day that I enjoy. Also, it is November now, which is a nice month generally.

I hope all is well with any of my readers. Take care.

Kat will soon be on the cover of Horse Aficionado

2008-10-26T12:27:00.000-07:00

This weekend Kat competed in the Saddlebred Futurity (I have no idea what this means, except that it involves horses) at WestWorld in Scottsdale. She won the blue ribbon, which means first place, in both her competitions. The event Saturday was more about the horse, and the event Sunday was more about her handling of the horse. I think she rode a horse called Caper for both events. Apparently, Caper has been competing in events like this (whether he knows it or not) for 18 years. I watched on Saturday, and Kat definitely looked like she was having a good time. One woman even stopped her after the show to say how much Kat was smiling. It was pretty fun, and I was thrilled to see Kat do well. She tries really hard at her lessons, and it is great to see that rewarded.

(I realize that my relating of this story is terrible since I know nothing about horses, equitation or nature. I felt similarly when I used to do sports reporting on cross country or softball - sports I knew nothing about and cared little or nothing about. However, I obviously care about saddlebred competitions when Kat is in them.)

When I got to the competition grounds I had a flashback to being a reporter because I was sent to a place I had never been and had a backpack. The backpack is now filled with law books (although I am still scorned by many, including Kat, for wearing it), but the best thing about the flashback was that I didn't have to accost anyone to ask them what they like about horses. I miss journalism - but only a select few parts of it. I also like the fact that even though this story is rambling, nonsensical and probably pointless, only a select few people who know me and my mental illnesses will read it, rather than lots of different people who will then laugh at me.

I'm sure Kat will put the video of her victories up on her blog. I tried to tape her first event, but I know I did terribly. It will remind the initiated of a Shirley effort, although minus the hours of footage of the inside of a purse.

It was good to have a day off from the law yesterday, although I am back at it hard today (as is made clear by the fact that I'm blogging rather than studying). Truthfully, all is not well in Jeffreytown. It looks more and more like I struck out in my attempt to get a job at a law firm for next summer, and I don't particularly like a lot of my remaining options. It's pretty disappointing to be in this position, but I just have to make the best out of it.

I have come to the conclusion that I am the law student equivalent of Lamar Odom: great skills, lots of potential, even some impressive achivements, but destined to disappoint. Few have done less with more than Lamar and I. For some of the best of Lamar, click on this link. If the ending to this blog has made you sad (and it shouldn't; it should make me sad, but not you) then click on that last link and you'll be smiling in no time. It works for me. It can work for you.

Where I'm At

2008-10-10T09:26:00.001-07:00

In Tucson, obviously.

But here's an update on my physical and mental health after a busy week with a busy weekend to come.

I'm taking Kat to the airport today for her visit to North Carolina. This is her yearly vacation from me in which she decompresses from 51 weeks of dealing with my nonsense and girds herself for 51 weeks more. It looks like the weather should be fab, so I'm sure she'll have a good time.

She'll get to see her friend Lena's baby, Levi. I don't have a photo on my computer, but he is very cute. Some of the Gautreauxs met Lena and Chris at our wedding, but most memorable is an incident in which Chris was shocked by the toilet architecture at a restaurant.

I will be studying while Kat is gone and taking care of the dogs, so they don't die. I'm playing basketball today, but after that it is time to lock down.

I had the last of my four callback interviews yesterday. Now, I wait and hope to hear from one or more of them. I think they went well for the most part, but I think I made a big mistake in choosing to be myself. I think that was bad advice.

Kat and I went to the weekly law school carousing night known as Bar Review last night. It was the first one we had gone to all semester. It was at a bar called "Home Plate" where they serve alcohol and also have batting cages. There was definitely some heavy irony in the fact that law students were at an establishment that mixes drinking with the hurling of objects at a high rate of speed. There was an enormous sign that says "Batters assume all risks," but I'm not sure if any warning be enough to ensure the soundness of an assumption of the risk defense after Trent has 24 Bud Lites and decides to step in against an automated Tim Lincecum.

I hadn't swung a bat in about five years and it showed. I looked like a Cub in the postseason.

But Kat and I had fun. Kat was compared favorably to Karen O by someone who may have been drinking and Judd Apatow movies were discussed at a length far more than deserved.

Anyway, that is what is going on with me.

Reading: Downtown Owl by Chuck Klosterman. This is a rather hilarious novelization of what it is like to live in a small Midwestern town. It is so true that it hurts.

Listening: The Fifth Season of drivel that is the Ricky Gervais Show as well as the new Jenny Lewis album, Acid Tongue. Kat and I like to sing The Next Messiah very loudly.

Watching: Just The Office on a regular basis. Nothing else, really.

To sleep, perchance to dream

2008-09-27T15:52:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a break from making an outline for Evidence to talk at you. I don't really know if an outline is required for Evidence class (The professor has already told us he gives us his outline - which has a 100 percent chance of being at least 400 percent better than my outline - but we don't get to use an outline on the exam. Ay, there's the rub...)

Anyway, I'm feeling really great today (earlier I told Kat I thought I could run through a brick wall), and I wanted to explain why. The reason, what I'm now calling The Secret, is thus:

I slept for 13 hours last night!

It was more than just last night since I went to sleep when it was light outside (6 p.m.) and woke up when it was light again (7 a.m.). It was glorious. What started as a nap after a very long day turned into a marathon of sleeping that has re-energized me.

I'm aware that all of my readers have some experience with sleep deprivation (vast experience for some of them), but I actually have very little. I never pulled any "all-nighters" in college because only an idiot would ever put himself in such a position willingly. I knew I couldn't stay up all night if I tried, so I just avoided it. Even as editor of the school newspaper (I often thought of myself as sort of like Jimmy Olsen on percocet) we kept the nights relatively short (the newspaper had tons of errors but at least I didn't miss my beauty rest!).

I have yet to pull an all-nighter in law school, however, the potent cocktail of 8 a.m. Evidence class, a Tuesday evening class, trying to get a summer law firm job and not lose my mind has often rendered me very, very tired. So after driving to Phoenix, having interviews and then driving back, last evening I was ready for some shut-eye.

I let that shut-eye continue longer than most people would consider sensible, but the beauty was that the 6 p.m. to midnight sleeping shift really made me feel great today. Everyone talks about how sleeping the day away doesn't make you feel better (although this doesn't stop me from sleeping in on the weekends), but I think this old wives tale may be true. I felt awesome today. Drugs are not the answer; sleep is the answer.

I'm sure this post could be considered sleep-inducing (it mixes high boredom content with talk about sleep, there couldn't be a more zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz). Anyway, for one day at least, I feel spectacular. While it was not the most exciting Friday night, I consider it very productive.

So when you are feeling worn down and its only 6 p.m., don't listen to your friends who say that only nursing home residents go to bed that early. Just throw on some pajamas, get your favorite pillow and start making a better you.

I'm Larry Rogers, and I approve this message.

I wish I had more...

2008-09-14T18:55:00.000-07:00

But I'm afraid I just don't.

I haven't been doing anything interesting lately because my time has been taken up with uninteresting things. The only thing more uninteresting than what I have been doing would be the actual work of listing those uninteresting things here. I will spare you.

I do have a few things.

It is sad to hear of the death of David Foster Wallace. I never got around to reading Infinite Jest (not that I can't in the future), but if you want to read some Wallace I really enjoy this article. He has a way of capturing what it is really like to deeply understand and enjoy the amazing ability of Federer. Sometimes it seems the only thing more difficult than being great at a sport is explaining why someone is great at a sport. And for the most transcendent athletes the only parallel is religion because the greatness is unquantifiable and unknowable and truly only reflected in the feelings that are created in those that properly appreciate the difficulty and the beauty.

I am known as a lover of sport, but even I won't go too far into fandom. I thought this would be a positive for me as a person and as a possible future lawyer. However, I think I definitely won't get hired by one firm because I had the audacity to consider sports "not that important in the grand scheme of things." I guess I was wrong; however, I stand by my point. Fantasy football teams are not important; they are fun, just not important.

I don't think I would be in very good shape if I didn't have Kat helping me. Often I take for granted what she does (after all, I'm the one reading Trial Evidence and the ALWD Manual!) but I know for certain that I wouldn't be able to get through my life on a daily basis without her. This may be an obvious point, but it has been hammered home to me over the last few weeks.

Those nice things being said, I am a bit afraid that she may divorce me and run off with a certain red Mazda MX5.

I know that award show swag is excellent, but I think law firm interview swag has to be right up there as well. Does anyone need an external laptop mouse?

I went to a wine bar last night. I felt very cool. I probably wasn't.

Kat and I watched Gimme Shelter over the weekend, which is the documentary about the Rolling Stones 1969 US tour. Of course, it concludes with the rather unpleasant free show at Altamont Speedway. But what was cool about it was the large role played by famous "King of Torts" lawyer Melvin Belli. Obviously, many did not like him, but it was cool to see him working with The Stones and trying to understand what Mick Jagger wanted - a tall order for anyone.

OK that's all for now. I think I might watch a little football and try to unwind. We'll see if I can do it.

Lloyd, I hope this was sufficient. Like many things I discuss in this space, I don't think I'm as good at this as I used to be. During The Yumanity era I was a much better blogger. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Pickup Blues

2008-08-29T16:57:00.000-07:00

I could blog about Batson v. Kentucky or pickup basketball, so I chose the latter.

They closed the gym I played at last year on campus. Budget cuts, apparently. I just hope I actually get a diploma before they padlock the entire place or simply implode it.

So now my Friday afternoon fix requires a trip to the Rec Center. Little background on The Wreck, there was a line today of muscled dudes to get into the weight room. I am not joking. A fellow muscled dude with a badge was holding people up until someone came out. It was like the world's worst nightclub.

The basketball courts are pretty good though, and normally you don't have to wait too long. But today cemented my status as an old man who may be losing what little magic he had. I've been using the "up and under" a lot lately and other energy-conserving moves. I'm also staying back on defense a lot and not even running to the offensive end because either a turnover will send me scrambling back anyway or I'm too tired. I think soon the other players are going to start calling me "Pops."

Let me be clear: I don't think basketball has passed me by. I just think the subtly different form of "pickup basketball" has passed me by. Let me note a few examples simply from today.

1) I got my hand caught in a dude's hair! Yes, I went up for a rebound and nearly lost a finger because some guy wanted to both play basketball and look like Peter Tosh. That was a little traumatic for both of us.

2) I believe a bit too much in fairness. This manifests itself in many forms. Little enrages me more (in a very quiet manner) than calls based on the score. Calling your own fouls does not mean you have the right to deal with bumps at the beginning and then call a foul if someone breathes on you at the end. My rule is I don't call fouls by anyone on me. If they foul me hard enough for it to actually affect me, everyone will know it and will stop. As a result, this can hurt my effectiveness.

Secondly, on the matter of fairness, I won't stand for irregularities in "who got next." If two girls and a dude in a World B. Free throwback have been waiting, they get to play. There is no discussion. Today, a girl had been waiting game after game, so I told her she could play with me. When our turn came up, she got to play and run the point guard. Full disclosure, we got slaughtered, but I was happier with that outcome than if we had won and she had not gotten to play. I will not sit idly by while such tyranny is allowed to propagate unchecked!

3) I just want to play the way I play, but too many times guys on my team are telling me what to do. Today, I played my first game and we destroyed this other team. Then, those losing team's point guard joined our team because one of our guys left. In this next game, I was being guarded by a guy who probably could bench press around 400 pounds. As such, he played like a guy who can bench press 400 pounds (LeBron excepted, of course). Namely, he was a bit "mechanistic" and preferred brute force to wisdom or body control. But despite his obvious strength advantage, the fact that I was taller than Mr. Muscles by about three inches caused the new point guard to adamantly implore me to "post him up." My rule is I don't really post anything up (and that includes actual posts). Rather than take the advice, I just got the ball on the wing, drove around Mr. Universe and laid the ball in. This only angered The Hulk, who proceeded to bury me under the hoop repeatedly and call for the ball. I don't know if he ever scored, though.

Here's the point: let's just all play smart and make the intelligent play. Square pegs, round holes, make the extra pass, take what the defense gives us, cliche, well-worn mantra, etc.

4) I don't care as much as these guys anymore. Win or lose, I'm just glad to get to run around and clear my head. Basically, I just don't want to get hurt (and that includes any hair-related injuries), get a sweat going and then go home. That's the beauty of what we call "Law School Basketball." Everyone who plays agrees with those tenets and thus most problems are solved. We are still hoping to have Law School Basketball again this year, so I hope we can find enough people.

I admit that I sound like Walter Sobchak, but I don't think my suggestions are too much to ask. I do love pickup basketball and can think of few things that are more fun or easier to get involved in (you just show up and play, that's why basketball is great), but as I age I might be getting a little crotchety. Oh well, I guess it's my right.

Last things:

Gustav go away!

Cancer go away! (Some kind of harsh language on that link, but I think it's funny)

Late Night Texts

2008-08-24T10:39:00.000-07:00

A transcript of the text messages between Lloyd and I during the Team USA-Spain gold-medal game in the middle of the night:

Me: Are you still awake for this game?
Lloyd: Yeah barely
Me: Me too ill wake up when they start playing
Lloyd: Yeah
Me: A little scary but at least wade is rolling
Lloyd: Yeah, were in such a hurry to try to pressure that they blow by us or we foul them were fine though
Me: Still pretty scary but kobe and lebron Should be fresh
Lloyd: Yeah, i dont like this cuz pau should be fresh too and they're outplaying us
Me: Still pretty scary well see what happens
Lloyd: Im getting upset with our guards defense. Irate may be a better word.
Me: Not good
Lloyd: Yeah. This is trouble
Me: This is nuts
Lloyd: Yeah. Glad i decided to wake up for this.

I don't know if that game should have been that close, but it was definitely great to watch. If they replay it, drop whatever you are doing - even if it is a patient in the ER - and watch because you'll enjoy it immensely. Also, keep watching until the interview Saigs has with Wade and Kobe after the game. For celebrities and professional athletes, it is an ironclad rule that honesty is the worst policy. For someone like Kobe, being himself isn't even worthwhile because half the people hate him and the other half believe that every second of his life is calculated, orchestrated and stage-managed. I reside seemingly with one foot in both camps. But I will say this with certainty: the dude is ultra-clutch and he seemed genuinely elated with winning a gold medal.

Wade was a joy to watch and LeBron did what he does, but when it came down to the end, since Team USA had Kobe there was no question who should take the big shots and handle the big possessions. Kobe will never be Jordan because he isn't that popular and Jordan came first. But Kobe is the only real qualified heir to the throne as being a Jordan-esque killer when the game is on the line.

Kobe may have been happy because he succeeded in China (where he is beloved even more than Hasselhoff in Germany), because he was the hero or because it will mean more endorsements, but in watching that interview and the way he hugged Wade (not to get any more homoerotic than this post already has been), it just seemed that he was sincerely thrilled. I'm sure the interview will be on Youtube for at least a brief time (NBC's minions are apparently quite efficient at getting things taken down) and I encourage you to find it. It made me happy to see other people that happy. It might do the same for you.